A
female
age
30-35,
*ice.Girl
writes:For almost seven months now I’ve been in an internet/long distance relationship with a man 3000 miles away. Back in March, he came to visit me for a week and it was the best week of my life (we did everything we could possibly do in a week together). We know each other inside out because we’re always talking. We think so similarly and are just weirdly in sync all the time. I really do love him deeply, I could even see myself marrying him and starting a family with him.But. And there’s always a but.Recently, I’ve been thinking about our relationship. We live 3000 miles apart across the border, are both two very poor students and my parents has no idea he exists. I’m still very much dependent on my parents for a lot of things (excluding school, which I pay for myself) and will probably end up living at home for a while after I’m finish of my bachelor’s degree. I come from a catholic family who are a bit more on the traditional side of things and I’m just terrified at the repercussions that I will suffer once I tell them about my boyfriend. This also counts as my first serious relationship and my siblings never really went through girlfriends/boyfriends all that much growing up so I don’t have an example of how to deal with this stuff with my parents. I’m in uncharted waters here. I could be disowned or kicked out of the house for all I know when they find out.Aside from not being able to work up the guts to tell my parents about him, since we’re both so poor and don’t really have much direction to our lives yet, the soonest I figure we could actually be together is in about 2 years when I finish my degree. 2 years is a long time and by then there’s not telling even if we’ll be able to be together by then. I have been thinking about breaking up, but I don’t want to hurt him and I still do love him. I just feel that we’re both at two different points in our lives and that maybe sometime down the road we’ll be better off for each other and until then we could see other people.The thought of not talking to him everyday absolutely kills me though. I talk to him every night regardless of what is happening in our lives, we talk. He has become my best friend and I really don’t want to lose that.Is there anyway I can have everything I want (aka have my parents accept him, be able to keep him and stay happy)? Is this relationship better suited as a friendship than an exclusive couple? Or should we just say “it was good while it lasted” and move on with our lives?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 June 2010):
 I take it that your parents will not like the mere fact that you are in a relationship in the first place, and then since they are traditional they will not like that you met him online.
I think you will just have to jump into uncharted waters on that one, as you really have no other choice. Even if you end up breaking it off with this guy, the next guy you meet you will still have to tell your parents about at some point, and then you'll be back in uncharted waters. So be brave and just jump into it.
As for the relationship, does it have a shot at living? You are the one who determines that. How great is the pain of not seeing him, to the pain of not being in his life any longer? Or maybe being as just a friend? But, if you are in love with him, how do you expect you can stay "just friends"? I in particular find it hard to stay friendly with an ex. I tried to once, and we ended up prolonging the breakup for 6 months basically, until I figured out that I was unable to be a friend. The feelings and attraction was still too great for me. But other people make it as friends, so I guess that depends on who you and him are.
Have you talked to him about this? I am sure he understands the reality of the situation as well. If you do want to make a go for it, try and not put your life on hold until next time you can meet him. Realize that your relationship is, and will be, online. It will function like any long distance relationship now, as you have met in person it is no longer only an "online" relationship. But you can only spend time together online. I would suggest calling each other as well, but skype is just so much cheaper...
So, you have to lay up how the relationship will work. For 7 months you made it work. Can you make it work for even longer? Plus, you never know when the next chance to see him again will be. It might be shorter than 2 years. It may also be longer, who knows.
A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours  +, writes (7 June 2010):
 I'm afraid there's some info missing here. Why do you assume your parents would hate him? Is he much older than you are? Does he have a criminal record? Is his hair too long?
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