A
female
age
51-59,
*ooty70
writes:My husband has cheated behind my back for 5 years with at least 2 other women, who he was meeting on internet dating sites. I have been tormented by this betrayal and lies for 2 years now. Although he seemed remorseful and promised to never do it again and that he has learned his lesson, I am still in a lot of pain about it and it haunts me everyday. I have been to counselling.Something that concerns me now is he has started watching porn and wants me to watch it too. I dont care about watching it, it doesnt worry me, but is this desire in him to start watching it some sort of sign that he is likely to cheat again? He has only started watching it in the past few weeks, so I wonder if he is getting bored sexually with me again and is turning to porn to excite him?Any ideas or thoughts appreciated.
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female
reader, Sooty70 +, writes (12 September 2011):
Sooty70 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your replies and insights.And anonymous female yes, he has now suggested a threesome with another man, after watching a movie that had multiple men and one woman. So I can only guess as you suggest that it could lead to him wanting a threesome with another woman too.Just shows how open he is about sharing partners and that his marriage vows about fidelity meant nothing to him. I had no idea I was marrying a man who was a womanizer and thinks nothing of cheating. But then again I have come to the awareness that he was raised by parents who both cheated. I thought that the fact that his parents werent divorced was a good sign that I wouldnt end up that way, little did I know of the cheating and secrets that they were covering up. Only through discovering my husband's cheating did he reveal his mother cheated and now I am pretty sure his father cheated as well.I feel such a fool for unknowlingly marrying a man with such low morals and a fondness for other women, and an attitude of "what she doesnt know about wont hurt her". He is a man (fool) who will never be satisfied with one woman. We both married in our mid 30s. So I thought he wouldve sown enough wild oats by then. It just makes me wonder if I left him if he would cheat on the next woman, or was it something about me and the ease of internet dating that made him do it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): After the way he has treated you, he should be too busy attending to you and your needs for a change, not wanting you to join him 'getting off' on pornography. Has he no sense of decency or sensitivity? I am sorry but this guy sounds very driven by his 'pants'.
If you do agree to watch it with him. Look out for threesome porn in case he is trying to introduce you to the idea and gauge your reaction. He might be attempting to soften you up to the idea of 'sharing' him again but this time with your knowledge.
If he is, he will probably start by suggesting you have a threesome with another guy. That leaves the gate open for him to suggest a female next time because... how can you refuse after he has generously allowed you to be with a man! That seems to be a common modus operandi when someone wants to have sex with others but without risking damage to their relationship...little do they realize how wrong that assumption can be!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): It could be he just wants to put some spark into your sex-life,try something new.
Thats not the point here though, the fact you assume he's ready to cheat again is. You still don't trust him, even after counselling. Its all a bit one-sided, him being the one who does as he pleases, asks for what he wants.You forgiving and getting counselling.
If you doubt him now then you hould consider ending the relationship as its no way for you to live.Your self esteem will go from bad to worse. Do you want to live the rest of your life wondering if he is cheating or on the verge? Or would you rather be carefree and him not your concern.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (12 September 2011):
 Porn isn't a sign he's going to cheat. Cheating on you for five years is a sign he's going to cheat on you. You need to leave this guy, he will probably never change. Even if he does, will you ever fully be able to trust him again, or will that doubt always be there? I don't think a man who can have TWO different affairs over five years deserves any kind of other chances. Five years is plenty long enough to feel remorse and he didn't.
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