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Sexual past abuse is causing problems in my current relationships

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Question - (12 September 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 12 September 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I was molested when I was a kid and because of it I find it really hard to be with a guy. My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year and whenever we start to get intimate or things start to move forward I stop him and he's so patient but I'm scared that he'll tired of it and leave one day. I don't know how to get over this though.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011):

Absolutely get professional counseling help.

You can read all you want, and I'll suggest the following book, but used out of context, or without good guidance, it can be painful and counterproductive.

Keep that in mind.

http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Sex-Mind-Body-Approach-Sexual/dp/1573442933

Do not just push it under the rug and not tell the person you are intimate with. In order to have true and lasting intimacy, that person has to have knowledge of this painful past, how much and how soon are big issues.

"but I'm scared that he'll tired of it and leave one day"

My wife has the same fears, 30 years later, 20 years since we got together. She never told me till we'd been together over 18 years, and we are still working on it, it is slow, we've had professional counseling help for nearly two years.

But, she had hidden it from everyone, doctors, counselors, etc, for over 30 years. Don't do that, get professional help and work on it, hard work, and you will heal.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011):

How you feel when its time to get intimate is sadly very common for a survivor of abuse. You have to break through that wall and to do that, you will need some counselling. So do try some because it will help you a lot x

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (12 September 2011):

person12345 agony auntYou need to speak to someone about your abuse. Try seeking counseling. If you're in school somewhere, speak to your school counselor. There's also the sexual abuse hotline through RAINN where sexual assault victims can call and speak to someone or they can contact someone through instant messaging.

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