A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay, straight forward, here it goes...Husband and I have been together for 5 years...Where he worked there was a woman who would come over to the house when we had barbeques and stuff...fine. She came over with her boyfriend at the time once, fine. My husband would tell me about how she whores around with guys and how she warned another woman not to marry a guy unless this girl talked to her first??? Well, one night he went to a bar with her and another guy (who wanted meet her.) This is about 10:00PM. I get called at 1:20 AM, her old boyfriend came to her house tried to fight with him and broke his tail light and he is on now his way home...the other guy (who wanted to meet her,) isn't there. He got home at 3:00AM. There were also several incidents of when he wouldn't come home until the next day after being out then would not say anything, would act mad. Now, we have moved on, that was 3 years ago. about 7 months ago, he started selling pills to people (he would not want me to meet them, but there was one named X.) Anyway, i am cleaning out his present day work pockets and found a note to X with general stuff as well as "don't worry, everything is going to be okay, love you." I call him to ask about it and he tells me he found it in a black jacket in the garage from high school to a girl he didn't want to go out with anymore...Honestly, there wasn't a black jacket in the garage. Fast forward 3 months, well, this woman is back in the picture, facebooking eachother's accounts, texting back and forth (I can never get my hands on his phone to see what is said,) and she recently went to see him a at his work. She is leaving for a long time (Navy,) and I guess they are having a going away party for her and he started to tell me but quickly stopped. Oh, and she is going through a divorce...i need help, should I get a P.I.?
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female
reader, raiders +, writes (16 June 2010):
 See and you wanted to hire a PI....you should do the investigating yourself and save your money.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow! I don't know if I am blind or what, but I got ahold of his cell and there are messages from her and all but nothing negative...but there is one that is from Him to Her saying " you should come down here.." and then one in all caps, "women we are in trouble get down here!" ???
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): I would have to say if your gut is telling you he is having an affair chances are it is right. I speak from experience myself. My ex cheated and I knew in my gut. I had tons of circumstantial evidence and as much as I wanted to believe his bs excuses I always knew in my gut and the truth did eventually come out. I spent months and months of making excuses for him. See he had done it before and I took him back believeing he was truely sorry. They will say and do anything to deny it! I think I could have walked in on him in bed with her and he would have denied it. It's just how their mind works when they are so engrossed in the affair. I say don't waste your money on a PI. Get your affairs in order and save that money for your future stability. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck it most likely is a duck.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (15 June 2010):
 He doesn't exactly sound like good husband as it is, why spend extra money? Tell him you know something is going on between them. It may or may not be sex, but SOMETHING is. Tell him to just be honest with you if he loves you, otherwise you can't live with lies and secrecy.
Unless you want to. Then you should do nothing.
A PI will just prove what you already know, and make him even more mad.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (15 June 2010):
 Ahhh, the no-fault divorce--yet another thing that makes America a great country!
Skip the PI; save your money for an attorney.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (15 June 2010):
 Say NOTHING to your husband. Be a loving and sweet wife. If you get any more suspicious, he will not slip up and get caught.
Then hire a P.I.
You'll need phone records and account records if he is spending your marital money on his outside honey.
In the meanwhile, GET YOUR FINANCES IN ORDER.
Snoop, hunt and find out about all of his accounts and make sure that you are prepared for the news that the P.I. brings back to you.
When you do finally get the news, at least you won't be bringing him suspicions, you will be armed and really ready to make a decision about what it is that you want to do. It's always better to deal from a position of strength rather than a flimsy argument - but having said that - once you embark down this path - it could well be the end of your marriage.
I hope it's not true, but you really have seemed to have noticed one or three things too many going on and you probably wouldn't have written in to us unless you had a hunch. Good Luck Hun.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): If I ever stayed out like that my wife would have my bags packed. Those are definately not things a happily married man does. As for what he's up too.... It sounds like more of a sexual affair rather then an emotional affair. Not that it really matters. They are both bad.
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A
female
reader, oreides +, writes (15 June 2010):
 i would encourage what you are thinking, getting a PI. you may want to do it as soon as possible, as after she leaves it may not be necessary anymore. a PI is a good idea, because if he IS cheating, this evidence can be used in court during a divorce.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (15 June 2010):
 I'd say you have more info. than a P.I. might be able to provide you.
I also say that not coming home til the next day most definitely warrants a full explanation. And a damn good one at that. You're married to him, right?
I believe where there's smoke there's fire. I'd bet the farm I know what kind of fire this is, sister. (it repeatedly amazes me how glib with cover excuses, these guys are) Does this "innocent" high school days note appear to be THAT old?
Though you have no solid concrete, admissible, *proof* you have some rather damning evidence: I'd say you know you have a cheater on your hands, of the slick lying variety. What's your gut telling you about this? It's usually right, you know.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (15 June 2010):
If you were to get a PI what would the outcome be, are you willing to leave your husband if he is cheating. If you are not than save the money and continue to be in this relationship blind like a mouse. I think the signs are there that he might be cheating.
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