A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for past 8 years. We dated for 3 yrs before getting married. In all these married years, my husband has always complained about me being overweight. I'm 5 ft 3 in and weighed 140lbs when i got married. Now I'm 155 lbs and I have a 2.5 yr old daughter. I have always been suspicious of him having an affair and he always tells me that I get jealous because of my own insecurities. Recently, I've been suspicious about one of his co-workers having an affair with him. One day all three of us had to go somewhere for a meeting(its a new part time bus we are engaged in and we wanted her to take a look at it too so we took her).She came with my husband to our home to pick me up.As soon as they reached home, she hurriedly went to the back seat and sat there without greeting me first.Looked like she was mad to sit in the back or something.Then, We had to drop her at the office (where her car was parked) after the meeting.Suddenly, my husband took exit ato his office and took right instead of left turn. her house is very close to the office in the opp direction.A right turn would be taken to reach her house. It just hit me that my husband may have been to her place previusly which I wasn't aware of. Another incident is where she exchanged her 30 gb mp3 player for my hubby's 4 gb mp3 player'coz she wanted something smaller for the gym.She has been to sky diving, river rafting in an office group outing with my hubby too.(I'm not at all adventurous and scared to do all these sports stuff and I don't even know swimming.)I asked my husband about all this and he denied anything.Is I'm just thinking all wrong or something is going on ??? please advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008): Hi, not being funny here but your husband should love you whatever you look like and you probably eat because your fed up of the way your'e getting treated by your husband. It's a bit of a catch 22 situation. If my hubby kept going on about my weight it would want me want to eat more. Just tell him to quit telling you to lose weight. If your'e happy enough with yourself then the problem is his not yours.
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (29 July 2008):
 You're scared to be active and you don't know how to swim. Yet your hubby seems to be into all of those things.
Why don't you list the activities you and your hubby do together? It may give you some insight.
I would strongly recommend you take swimming lessons for no other reason than to make sure you're comfortable in the water. Swimming is a survival skill that sure beats flailing about in a panic and drowning. Good luck and take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): Hi, I can relate. My husband and I have been together for about 9 years. When we met I was very very thin, probably too thin. I gradually gained some weight (picnics and wine, ice-cream...all those nice "date" treats didn't help!). I have battled with my weight since my teen years though - so it wasn't 'new' that I was gaining weight. My husband says at first when he noticed it bothering him, he tried subtle things or to support me to loose weight, then as time went on he says he got angry at me for not loosing weight, so he got quite nasty about it at one point. It has had a huge impact in many ways though - I feel so hurt and betrayed that he only "loves me" if I look right, and he feels me not losing weight is a sign that I don;t love him or care about him enough to do it for him. He says he doesn't find me attractive with weight on - and that that is important to him (I agree - but there is more to it and ways to handle things), he also says my weight gain makes me "old" before my time and that he's angry about me wasting his youth....he's got some strange ideas.
I have tried a million different diets, have lost and gained weight all along - but I also feel so sick and tired of it ruling my life. I am talking with a therapist about this issue as I feel quite blocked on this issue - as it has effected my self esteem, our sex life...so many things. Maybe it would be helpful for you too?
As for the affair stuff - trust your gut. I don;t mean to be pessimistic - but if you are feeling something is going on chances are it is...it might not be a full blown affair...but it could be the start of one. I learnt the hard way - my husband, who is also very caring and thoughtful man (although you wouldn't think it reading all his nasty weight issues would you)had an affair about 2 years ago - with someone he met through work...it went on for months before I found out. I think I knew something was up...when I think back now...so trust your gut!
I hope I am wrong!
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A
female
reader, Haruka62442 +, writes (29 July 2008):
im glad i could at least give alittle help and i just thougth of something thats really good when it comes to dieting. its the homemade yogart my mum makes. you can get the keifer grains online. heres some info on it.
http://www.cocoonnutrition.org/catalog/page_kiefer.php
We also dont eat much meat since i am a vegitarian. and with these eating habbits plus working out my mum has lost about 10 lbs since the beining of this spring. It might be worth a try.
I hope everything goes well with your husband and diet
:)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDon't be sorry. Atleast I got an answer from someone. I've been waitin for a response since morning. Its always good to have a diff perspective.
I've joined a gym last month.I'm watching my diet and have lost 5 lbs in last 3 months. I was 160 lbs in Jan this year. I just have to get regular with te exercise routine.Also,I must add that my husband is the best father and my pregnancy time was the best time in my married life.He is very caring. I'm not sure about the loving part though.
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A
female
reader, Haruka62442 +, writes (29 July 2008):
It could be possible or just an oddity. Maybe try to be more insightful and gather info with outbeing snoopy (which my be hard to do). Just keep a look out for odd things that are out of the ordinary. But i am only a recent high school graduate so i dont have much experence with these kinds of things. But it does seem kinda simular to the situation between my parents when i was in first grade.
Maybe marrage counsling would be an alright option.
My mother also told me before she and my dad divorced he was after her to lose weight (which is hard when you have to take care of little kids). It may be healthy to go to the Y or curves or some other place, maybe one with a day care for kids or get a sitter.
sorry if i was not much help _
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