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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hello and thanks in advance.So I'm married now for 3 years. Just before we were married he had two girlfriends I had no idea but found out two years into our marriage. He acted like it wasn't a big deal. To me it certainly was. I felt betrayed and my trust level went out the window. He promised he was no longer talking or seeing these females and I gave him the benefit of the doubt. So today I received a request from his exes last name and also his last name put together. I was a bit shocked! I looked at it for abit and then asked him if hes still continuing on with her and why on earth someone would try to have a friendship with me with both their names on the profile. He got mad, name called and acted like I'm starting things. I was completely hurt and felt like he was saying this cause hes guilty. I feel she might have sent me this request to let me know their still an item. I'm very confused and hes denying everything.Any advice?
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female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (5 August 2020):
 This is difficult, isn't it? Your husbands' response to your question does seem suspicious doesn't it but then again if he'd calmly sat there and laughed it off would you feel any better and be less suspicious?
It isn't quite clear to me whether your husband had girlfriends whilst you and him both dated before you got married or whether the girlfriends were before you and he first met.
If it was before you met him then it really shouldn't matter, although I can see why you'd be bothered about him not telling you, he might have just not wanted to be seen as a player. If he was seeing these women whilst dating you, however, then that's a different matter and is a total betrayal, I can completely see why you'd be upset.
This person, who you're presuming is his ex-girlfriend, is now contacting you. You honestly don't know what she's going tell you and obviously you're not going to want to hear that he's been cheating on you, whatever she tells you, you won't know whether or not she's telling the truth.
Whether or not you talk to her is a matter for you but your husband is clearly not going to talk to you about this.
You could confront this ex and find out what she wants and then confront your husband with whatever she tells you if necessary. or you could leave it be, but you're already thinking the worst aren't you?
If he's cheating you need to think about where you go from here if he isn't cheating then you need to address your lack of trust.
I can't tell you what you should do but a relationship is built on trust and that is clearly lacking here.
I would highly recommend professional relationship counselling for you both or just you if he won't go. It can't always fix a relationship but it can help you come to decision that you're at peace with and help you move to a more amicable parting of the ways.
I wish you all the best and hope this helps.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (26 July 2020):
 Well, this is not going to go away, regardless of how much he blusters.
In your shoes I would accept the friend request without telling him and see what the woman has to say. However, if you are going to do this, you need to know what you are going to do with the information. Are you going to just sweep it under the carpet or will you leave him?
I have to be honest, it doesn't sound promising.
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