A
female
age
51-59,
*cared...
writes:I have a problem...My husband and I have been married for 17 years.. We got married very young. I was 18 he was 23 he is the only man I've ever been with..He tought me everything I know about sex..We have always been very kinky in the bedroom..He has always liked anal sex done 2 him but lately he is wanting 2 bring in another man 4 him and 4 me 2 just watch...He has also starting 2 wear womens clothes during sex..I am so afraid he may be gay...I don't understand why he would actually want 2 have sex with a man when I do the same with a strap-on..Just so confused..Can anyone give me some advice...Is he gay?? He also talks about wanting 2 b ran by 10 different guys at once. Am I the only one that thinks this is crazy (gay)I have nothing against gay people..If thats what you want them more power to you. I've been married 2 him along time and when I ask it he is gay he tells me no..I don't want 2 end up alone in 5 years because he leaves me 4 a man or end up with a STD...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): It sounds like he is just a sexual deviant. I would get rid of him and find someone new.
Best of luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): It seems as though you've given in to all his fantasies without question. Since he is the only man you've been with, maybe you were unsure to speak up if something made you uncomfortable. If you keep your concerns to yourself, you will lose yourself, and that leads to depression. You need to give yourself a voice and TELL him how you feel. If my husband said he wanted 10 guys at once, I would faint, that's a very destructive thing to say. I think he will continue to do more until he has lost all self respect. If he DOES have sex with another man, then he is breaking your marriage vows, and you have the option to leave. I just thinking what's best for you and your life. take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): If you don't like it and it feels wrong then that is all you need to consider - if you think about it and think about it you could make excuses for it "he could be gay" "he could be experimenting" but you are just modifying your feelings. Does it matter? You don't like it and it makes you uncomfortable so he should not be doing it. Do not underestimate the consequences of either of you going through with this..... you losing your self-respect and self-esteem, jealousy, acceptance of sexual cheating, blurred (ruined) intimacy boundaries, being unsure who someone is that you thought you knew, infection / STD, not to mention where on earth does this all lead in terms of your own relationship?
In answer to your question though and particularly with the comment you make about him liking anal sex prior to this new request I would consider him bi-sexual though I am certainly not an expert. However I don't know any straight men that proactively seek to have sex with another man - even if they hold them in great affection as a friend etc. To suggest this act to you, his wife, would require great courage if it was just a slight fantasy of his - it is clearly a deep need.
As a bit of practical advice perhaps you could call a confidential helpline (gay / lesbian) for advice. You don't have to be gay yourself to need advice on such matters and their experience of other people in your situation may prove invaluable.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): well............ he's probably bi or even gay. Straight men don't just get up one day and want to have sexual relations with another man. Over the years he has probably become bored with sex with women (not you specifically). remember he was 23, he had a few more years to have flings. over the time I guess just developed an interest in men, but if u don't do something about it now he might devote all his attentions to men, in truth no matter what you do because of his eagerness, if you allow him to do it once he'll want to do it twice and so on, being bi is sometimes the starting point of becoming gay . Try couples therapy, maybe that can help. About the women's clothing...............a bit lost there............... my you could try online chat-rooms are talk to gay people you know, they will probably know his true status. Try and deal with as much as possible now before it gets out of hand. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, katatonik +, writes (8 December 2008):
 It's possible that he is gay, but it's also possible he's bi, questioning, or just plain and simple having a midlife crisis of sorts that is expressing itself through his sexuality. Midlife crises can provoke the sufferer to take risks they might not normally or become more adventurous...the given stereotype is often middle-aged men cheating on their wives with other and often younger women. It's possible that instead of looking for heterosexual sex that is "new and spicy" by virtue of being outside the marriage, your husband has decided he'd like to experiment with men.
Whatever his motivations, though, this new interest of his does NOT mean that you have to be okay with it. Explain to him that you consider sex with others to be cheating on his part whether the person is male or female, and stand your ground about it if it's really something you don't want him doing. Be prepared for him to react negatively when you put your foot down, but you owe it to yourself and your marriage to speak up if you don't approve of this. Get tested for STDs while you're at it, just in case he has acted on one of these fantasies without telling you. Best of luck.
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