A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyoneI am a 25 year old female who just realized she was a sexual person maybe about 5 years ago. A late bloomer indeed. Since then I have been doing a lot of research and reading about the female orgasm. On my 21st birthday, my friends got me a vibrator as a gag gift. Well....needless to say I used it and OH MY LORD i finally found out what it was like to experience an orgasm. My sex drive was never high( was never really encouraged to experiment by my parents/school etc) but whenever I wanted an orgasm I would just use that.Never once have I ever gotten myself off with my hand alone. In fact, I feel like direct stimulation to the clitoris is almost painful. Very sensitive. I get off on the prolonged vibrations that no man or myself could imitate.i really wish I could get off ON MY OWN. That way when Im intimate with my partner I would be able to lead him to areas that will get me off.I spoke with the gyno about my problem and she said it was all about getting comfortable touching myself and my anatomy is fine. I also have a hard time getting in the mood and just focusing on what I'm doing. But whenever I touch myself i'm thinking..."okaaaay...soooo"haha. I could use some comfort about this. I feel like I've broken myself!!!!! What can I do?
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clitoris, in the mood, orgasm, sex drive, vibrator Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): I use a vibrator on myself and my hubby. I see nothing wrong with doing it youself, so heres a tip. Take a bath in hot water, take an ice cube and run it along your breast, thighs and vagina. The hot/cold sensation is awesome. Then slowly massage your nipples then slowly work your way down. "flick" your spot and then gently massage. You should be able to handle it from here.
A
female
reader, katatonik +, writes (8 December 2008):
 You haven't broken yourself, so no worries there. What you HAVE done is acclimate your body to sexual stimulation in a certain format (in this case, the vibrator). You're used to that now so it makes sense that the vibrator will provoke the quicker and more convenient response.
I think you could benefit from stopping use of the vibrator completely for a while, and not trying to touch yourself at all either, not even when you are in the mood. In fact, try to get yourself mentally turned on. But then refrain from acting on it. You don't say how often you use the vibrator, but whatever that time frame usually is...stop use of it for about twice that time. After the time is up, the next time you are horny go ahead and stimulate yourself--but do it with your hand, not the vibrator. I think you will find that the accumulation of pent-up sexual energy will make the method you use to get off less important ;)
When masturbating, you don't have to touch your clitoris directly. Touch around it, or clench the muscles you would when you're holding back the urge to pee. As odd as it may sound, this can help retract the clitoris a little so that it's not directly exposed to your fingers and won't be quite as hypersensitive to touch.
As far as not being mentally in the mood...what do you normally think of when using the vibrator? Think of something similar, or try introducing naughty thoughts into your mind before you even get started. You could make use of porn if that turns you on. If it doesn't, as is the case with a fair number of women, try an alternative such as reading an erotic short story (there's an entire genre of that out there, at least) or one of the sex scenes in a "bodice-ripping" romance novel. Good luck ;)
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