A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm female, and my sister and I really don't get along.I don't know if it's because the fact she has a different father than me own, (I'm an only kid to my father.) My dad treats me differntly, which most men would to their own children. But even when we were 4-5 we really didn't get a long. My brother and I got along fabulously, but even today I'm 17, and she's 20 now we still don't get along. Our differences are minor, I have friends who are exactly like her, yet whenever she stays I can't stand her presence at all.When she was 16, she made my mother cry herself to sleep, and from that day I've hated her, and even though she's grown up and changed when I look at her, I feel like hitting her for hurting my mother.But my parents don't get why I hate her, even though I told them exactly that, even my counsellor at school told me it was abit over the top, I'm the only one in our whole family who hasn't forgiven it, and it makes it worse that she acts like my Grandparents are her grandparents, and they aren't.Is that a bit over the top?How do I change it? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 Definitely over the top.
She was a teenager. That's just what teenagers do. They rebel, and they can say hurtful stuff. It's all part of that "trying to find yourself" path that every human goes through. And your Mom is her mother too - are you telling me you never said stupid things that hurt her feelings? If you didn't, good on you - you're a rare find.
The girl deserves family. And she's been in your life since she was tiny! Of course she feels like your grandparents are hers - she needs a loving group of family too. She's grown up with them. Sure, there's not biological connection, but there's a lifetime connection and plenty of love to go around.
Are you jealous or bitter that your family has to spread their love out more? That they could be more focused on you? You need to figure out what the bigger issue is here - because it's never just about the one incident. That's just what you're holding onto as the justification for your hatred of her. Or, at least, that the straw that broke the camel's back.
You need to figure out how to forgive your sister - you recognize she's changed and moved on, as has your family. Why haven't you? Figure out what the bigger picture is here - be honest with yourself. You're only making yourself feel worse and alienating yourself away from your family.
I wish you luck, sweet thing. Keep us posted!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 October 2011):
 Yes it is a bit over the top. OK so she made your mother cry four years ago, but at the end of the day she was a teenager and most mothers get upset over there teenagers at some point in there life, this is life and it is up to your mother to be angry at the time, but off course it is going to be forgiven and forgotten about after all this time. You can't hold a grudge over her after all this time. As for her treating your grandparents like her own, again this has nothing to do with you at all. If your grandparents are happy about this and so is she well then it is not harming anyone, at the end of the day she is still part of your family, and even though they are not blood related doesn't mean they don't look at each other as family, am sure your grandparents also look at her like a grand daughter. It sounds to me like this could be jealousy on your part because it is your dad and your grandparents and you want them to yourself but that is not how life works you need to learn to let go of the past and share. Life is to short to hate your sister over past grudges or jealousy. Time to move on or else it will be you your family ends up annoyed by. You need to make an effort.
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