A
female
age
41-50,
*hood83
writes:My fiance and I have been together for 5 years. We have a boy who is 18 months old. My fiance is the best dad ever; but not great as a partner. There is no passion, no spark. The sex is, in a word, terrible. He seems to be content with how things are, but I'm miserable. Is my happiness worth tearing our family apart?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2008): It seems that he doesn't realise how much of an issue this is with you.You need to sit him down and tell him, in no uncertain terms, that he is not satisfying you sexually and it is causing you to be angry at him in turn. Something you obviously don't like to be.Love is beyond sex, but at the same time couples need to be sexually tuned to each other to survive.Obviously you haven't tried hard enough to get him in tune with your needs or else you wouldn't have needed to write this message.So fob the kid off on a family member for weekend and go away somewhere, alone, with your husband and don't take no for an answer.Pick somewhere romantic, it doesn't have to be expensive, just a few nights in a classy hotel will do. Just make sure that the whole weekend is devoted entirely to both of you exploring and uncovering the sexual buttons which both of you need to push... and for god's sake, don't be afraid to give your man the ass. You'd be surprised how often that works for a guy.There are a myriad of issues here and you two need to sit down and work through them, either by a naughty weekend or by simple honest communication. One way or the other, the shit needs to hit the fan here.Flynn 24
A
female
reader, chood83 +, writes (21 March 2008):
chood83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the feedback guys, I know that my fiance and I have some major communicating to do, especially before the wedding. Any attempts on my part have failed miserably, it just gets so big in my head that I just don't express myself well at all. I've tried suggesting outside help, but he doesn't think we need it.
As for the sex, LazyGuy, all of the above. It was medeochre before I got pregnant, and worse after. He just isn't in tune with my needs at all, no matter how many times I try to tell him what they are.
I think I am falling out of love with him, and have been for a while. (That's actually the first time I've said or written that.) But I just can't imagine taking our son away from him. That little boy is everything to both of us, and if there's anything to be done to keep this family together, I will.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (21 March 2008):
 Was there a spark once? Can it be re-kindled?Lets be brutally honest, single mothers are NOT the hottest item on the dating scene. No guarantee there is anything better out there.So why is the sex terrible? Not enough, not any good at it, not enough foreplay, you just don't get excited.Has the sex changed after you got pregnant? Women go through a lot of changes, seemingly random, that can affect their sexual desires. Lousy sex for the rest of your life is not worth it, but first try to repair the damage if possible. You say he is a good dad, do you love him? Why did you hook up with him in the first place?He SEEMS to be content, it wouldn't be the first relationship were both sides wished for more but don't speak out. TALK WITH HIM, not us.But if things don't work, better a happy single mom/dad then a miserable two parent house hold. If you don't fix it or get out sooner or later you will stray and that hurts far more.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): You have two choices: either put in the extra effort to make things work (the situation may not be your fault but if its you who is unhappy, you've got to be the one to make things happen) by seeking external help or professional advice or make the descision to move on. Don't just accept the status quo for the 'good' of the family. I would expect your obvious unhappiness will mean things would envitably fail eventually and then you will have wasted valuable time being unhappy.
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A
female
reader, mrs_hadfield  +, writes (21 March 2008):
Have you sat him down and discussed this? Be as honest as you can. Yes your happiness is worth a lot, but as for tearing your family apart, is that a little extreme? Is this what you and your partner wants? There has to be give and take in a relationship and it seems to me your partner needs to give a little more. Make him understand this and then maybe you can all be happy.
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