A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone.My boyfriend is a group fitness instructor.I met him as one of the participants in his class.I noticed that he seems to talk to the women in the class while conducting the class. He jokes, takes part in playful banter back and forth. Sings. Tells jokes in between exercises. Makes comments to the guys in the class too.I notice he engages a lot with one woman in particular and this really bothers me. He jokes and banters back and forth. Makes comments to her. I see him look over at her during class too.I told him this bothers me. I saw him doing it a few months ago and blew up at him over it. And I did the same thing the last time he did this on the weekend. Blew up at him.He assures me it is him doing his job, and how he likes to conduct his class. The banter and joking is so that everyone enjoys themselves. He says he is performing and that I should get used to that. He also said it is because she responds and has come backs for him.I worry that he is prepping some other girl the way he did me when I was in his class. Paying her attention to show interest in case he gets bored with me or our relationship ends? So that he has another source for sex already lined up if she takes the bait?Is he telling me the truth? Am I being paranoid? Or should I be worried?He assures me he is not looking, he does not want to be with her. He is with me. Does not like her better than me. He would not do anything like that because he does not want to lose what we have. Said he doesn't find her all that attractive and said she would be hard to get along with. He called me exciting and fun and on and on. And showed me lots of attention after I got mad.So do I need to leave him cause I will always worry? Or it a matter of time before I am cheated on? Is this something I need to deal with? A problem I am having? Or is he causing it?I cannot imagine him trying to make me jealous on purpose trying to see my reaction cause he knows I am already bothered by her.Thank you for your help.This is really eating me up inside and threatening to destroy our relationship right now.I do not want it to come to that.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2014): It's the OP.
Nobody else out there can offer advice on my question?
Was really hoping for more than one answer.
Thanks. :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2014): Hi, My boyfriend is a personal trainer and I met him in a group class either. I have the exact same worries as you!! We are together two years now..t's like I wrote the post myself haha. I've come to realise that it is something they do (flirty happy banter )- he is right in saying that it keeps the women enjoying themselves. Especially older women it seems too! I have also blown up at my boyfriend if I think he has flirted too much with one person in particular but as long as it's kept within the class I don't think you need to worry. I've realised that one-on-one sessions he does he is quite professional and keeps them at an arms length while being friendly. Which is ok. I've also come to realise that worrying just does not help. We broke up for a couple of months over something totally unrelated and I realised that worst case scenario... I would be fine! I gained a bit more independence, and I am less stressed about everything because he came back to me and while he went on a couple of dates, nothing happened. So basically my advice is not much. Just to know that you're not alone ;-) and that worrying won't help. It's their job and unfortunately it comes with a lifetime of training women. And when the get older and the women get yyounger, they'll still be doing it and we just have to trust them. Good luck x
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