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I'm not jealous or possessive but I am worried about this guy!

Tagged as: Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 October 2014) 2 Answers - (Newest, 21 October 2014)
A male France age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi people.

First of all, I'm not a very jealous guy or possesive, but I'm a bit worried about this.

Me and my girlfriend are both 22, we have been dating for 7 months aproximately. But lately I'm concerned that she is spending too much time with her friend (another girl). They have been friends for 1 year (they go together to college). They made friends instantly and have been going out for drinks after college more and more often. At first it was ok, I don't have a problem with her going out but lately we don't spend much time together, some days when she leaves her work late she sleeps on her flat since she lives near her workplace and they exchange phone calls mostly everyday. So I thought in two options: the most obvious is that she is cheating on me but in a few ocationts I called her late at night and this girl answered the phone, so at least I know she’s not lying to me. Or maybe she simply just doesn’t want to be with me, but why doesn’t she tell me? Or even if there is another guy I think she should tell me, because recently I can assure that she has spent more time with this girl than with me. But when I confront her she tells me I'm being controlling and makes out like I'm being nosy. I don’t know what to do, I want to get any women’s neutral opinión, so any advice would be really apreciated, thank you so much!

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (21 October 2014):

So_Very_Confused agony aunthow often are you and your gf together?

are you asking her out on dates or just expecting her to hang out?

is she cancelling plans with you or just not available for your spur of the moment desires? (not sexually meant)

if you are asking for time with her and she declines to spend time with her friend, then there may be a problem. in which case you could ask her... but I doubt she will tell the truth....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2014):

If you've been together a while, she's possibly just enjoying another woman's company because all her young life she's been focused on you both.

It's nice she's got a female friend she can enjoy time with, but I think you might need to invite her over and ask her calmly but directly -

Does she still want a relationship with you? Because she can't have the single lifestyle (going out every night and not ever spending time with you!) and you. She has to get the balance better.

If she starts to say you're controlling etc...then maybe you'll have to end things, saying to her that you certainly don't want to control her you just want her to WANT to spend some of her time with you. And that as her partner you would think she would want to go out with you sometimes as opposed to this friend. If she doesn't want this then the relationship isn't going anywhere and you can ask her to leave and think about things.

Maybe she likes this girl more than a friend, and is confused about her own feelings? Who knows, but you need to have a good heart to heart about where she thinks your relationship is heading, and whether she wants a future with you x

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