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male
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anonymous
writes: I have been seeing my gf for 4 mths. I didn't know for a few weeks at the start she was with her ex for 14 years and had been single for 3 months before we met. He cheated on her and I'm worried I'm just a rebound relationship even though she was the 1st one to tell me she loved me. Her ex never showed commitment but he is now engaged to be married to the girl he cheated on my girlfriend with. Recently he has been texting her love msgs every day. She has kept all his texts but has not told me about them or that she replied to one asking him what more they have to say. Also my girlfriend is a very flirty girl. She said she likes to dirty dance with strangers in clubs and always has done which makes me feel v uncomfortable and that is why she says she won't go clubbing with me. She is leaving to go on a diving instructor's course for 3 or more months in 2 months time. I don't know if I can trust her as she lies constantly when I ask her about her ex and texts I have already seen or speak to her about other things that hurt me. Am I just a rebound relationship or does she really love me and we can make this work? Her family love me as do her friends and my family love her. For the first time I am besotted and would die for her and I have never felt this way about anyone.
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cheated on my girlfriend, clubbing, engaged, flirt, her ex, she lies, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2005): Yes this is a dysfunctional relationship and I will confirm the conclusion you've likelky already arrived at. The choice you are confronting must be a difficult one, or else you would have already made the decision to just leave.
And since you go to the trouble to seek an outside opinions, you must value the investment of emotion and the creative effort you have put into this relationship. Intimacy matters to you, shared experiences, time together. And I imagine hearing that this is NOT a healthy relationship for you is very hard. Perhaps you fear that you are inept at judging partners, so that when it is time to leave, you should stay, because you will do no better next time. This is not the case...you got yourself a "bad apple" here, guy. You can't trust her, she lies constantly to you and this relationship will always create turmoil and anxieties for you. But I think you know this already. If you are loyal and slow to say goodbye, I might say leave, because leaving will represent self-respect and keeping your sanity. I wish you well, and good luck.
Hugs, Irish
A
reader, pops +, writes (5 October 2005):
Yes. Drop her like a bad penny. You don't need someone who always lies, and you can't trust. Forget about her dancing. That is just the tip of the iceberg of her problems. If her family loves you,look for a sister who still has all her marbles to date. You will be happier.
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