A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been dating for over 2 years now, Everything has been great, we have done everything together but lately (the past few month) thing's have changed and i am not sure if i am really paranoid or she really is cheating on me? But right now everything is eating away at me.I did feel really paranoid before after the first year of dating she started hanging about with this guy she had been friends with during primary and high school. I had been told several time's that he is really into her and her and him messaged a lot, also they went out (still do) every few months to the Cinema and other places together while i was always getting "told I'd be bored by them talking about the old days" so i wasn't invited to attend. I have met his guy a few time's and i believe nothing had been going on just all my paranoia so i have left that in the ditch.Though lately in the past few months, i have been getting pushed away when going for a hug and even a kiss getting told that my breath smelt. I believed it and forget about it but we used to have sex at least twice a week since we live far apart. I have been seeing her a bit more in the last few month than normal spending weeks with her at a time but she keeps on refusing to have sex stating "maybe later" and later on saying she's too tired "Maybe tomorrow" that alone has been eating away at me. We used to talk about the future and how we would get married but now she states that she is never getting married. In the last 2 week now i have been really paranoid and depressed not being able to sleep. She told me she was going to this gig with her mate even though she usually hates the music the band playing plays but she went because her friend wanted her to go and she was going to pay her into the gig. She didn't come home till really late in the morning because i know that this club finishes at half 11 but she didn't get home till 3 in the morning. She then told me how her and her friend got into the backstage room with the band that was playing, this is when i got all paranoid but yet again just going with the flow and trusting her like i always do. The next day she had added the band and all the members on her myspace and made them top friends and kept listening to there music i was getting a bit more annoyed asking myself what happened because all the answers i got back where lazy and half assed. A picture showed up of the band drawing all over her which i really didn't like and i told her i didn't like it but she assured me nothing happened. A few day's passed and the band member was commenting her pictures and commenting her in general i just kept going with the flow. I then meet up with her and we went back to her's where later that night i found a picture on her PC of the band wearing her bra which i still can't get out of my head i asked her why and she told me that it was all for fun and assured me that she took it off in the bathroom while saying she loves me and nothing happened. It took a few day's and i finally kind of go over it and was back to being cheery. We went out for the night and when we got back i noticed a message saying that she's received a message from the member she just ignored it all night and we watched some movies as normal. She later fell asleep and i checked the message and it said "i miss your face xo" which doesn't really say much but it's still something a boyfriend doesn't want to see i woke her up and asked her about it she kept saying she doesn't know why he sent it then accused me of not trusting er and looking through her messages. I then told her if i never saw it if she would have replied asking or anything she said she wouldn't have replied. Then started trying to hug me and kept telling me she loved me all night. The next day i went home still paranoid more so than ever and when she slept that night i tried to log on to her myspace (We know each others passwords for all the sites we go on) but i couldn't get on to it. I then logged on to her email's and found that she has changed the password (it doesn't show the changed password) and she must have replied to that message because they was a reply on her email saying that "he will be back in July and then something about he was waiting for her to say that" but i can't see what she replied to him in the first place. Te next morning i got up and tried to go into her emails again to see if she got another reply but she must have changed her email password that morning. This is now the stage i am at, too me it's nothing about trust but i don't like that she changed her passwords, If nothing is going on/ or did go on she shouldn't mind me checking for myself. She doesn't know i have been on her email and know shes replied and now they is nowhere to even ask why she changed her password because then she can turn it around on me and say i am not trusting her and snooping around.I tried to talk about it with her online but she reply's with "i don't want to talk about this anymore" i am losing my grip right now and i have no idea what to do? or what is going on?She's also the type of girl who you would never even attempt to think she would cheat she's such a nice girl and i love her so much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, for the advice. I have kind of sorted it out i confronted everything even the password change. She told me the messages where nothing and stuff but still won't tell me what they said. I am just going to leave it down a bit as i am cheered up the now and if i see the messages and they aren't nothing ill go mental. Is it normal for when you confront something like this to be replied back with "we just don't trust each other anymore"? basically made to think you where in the wrong to suspect anything?I have confronted the guy too, and he explained how he didn't realize she had a boyfriend? i asked about the pictures too and he seemed quite keen it wasn't her bra which i know it was. I'd like it if anyone has anymore advise?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, for the advice. I have kind of sorted it out i confronted everything even the password change. She told me the messages where nothing and stuff but still won't tell me what they said. I am just going to leave it down a bit as i am cheered up the now and if i see the messages and they aren't nothing ill go mental. Is it normal for when you confront something like this to be replied back with "we just don't trust each other anymore"? basically made to think you where in the wrong to suspect anything?I have confronted the guy too, and he explained how he didn't realize she had a boyfriend? i asked about the pictures too and he seemed quite keen it wasn't her bra which i know it was. I'd like it if anyone has anymore advise?
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (11 April 2010):
I think you have every cause to be concerned and at the risk of annoying all the ladies you are probably correct - she may well be having a n affair?
Why does she continue to act in this way if it clearly hurts you. Have it out with her one more time and if she cannot account for her actions and find a resolution then it is finished I fear?
For you it may be worth a bit of counselling as it is pretty clear that you love this Madam and will be upset if you finish, finish I fear you will even if the meantime there is a temporarey agreement!
Something has happened to her she wishes for security but she also clearly wants to play the fieeld. Sort this today as you will affect your health if it drags on. Be in control - you are not atr this time.
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