A
male
age
30-35,
*npadin
writes:I've been in a relationship for eight months. I love my girlfriend but, alas, I've made some stupid mistakes. Considering that our relationship is long-distance, it's been difficult on me as I'm a guy and had recently lost my virginity (to my girlfriend, and she I). In the early months of our relationship, I thought about cheating on my girlfriend with this girl that was practically throwing herself at me. I didn't, but I did send her a nude photo. I kept it a secret and divulged it to my girlfriend recently. You can all guess what her reaction was. I did and continue to feel terrible. I can understand why she would be upset. I told her because our relationship is starting to get serious and we've begun to discuss marriage and children. But I feel she's being unfair. Granted that we're juvenile and in college, we're grappling with issues of identity and self-actualization. Because she's lived a very sheltered, Christian life, she tried drinking and partying. At one party it went horribly wrong: she began to grope other girls breasts and some guy felt her up. She told me what happened afterwards and asked me to forgive her. I did, but I was thrown into complete disarray. Troubling still, the people at that party were her co-workers, and she sees them everyday. I forgave her as she asked me too. But she doesn't want to forgive me for what I did. I find it frustrating because I've catered (I've driven 500 miles to see her on school nights, among other things) to this girl in every possible way and I feel she's holding me to a different standard. As of now, it's all up in the air. She might very well break up with me for my mistake, but I had to forgive hers. Am I wrong for feeling that she's partial? If so, should I just break it off with her now, because I almost feel like she's playing games with me? We're pretty serious and I don't want to lose her unnecessarily. We've humored marriage. Plus, I've made arrangements to transfer to her school and situate myself in the Orlando area. Scores of people have suggested that I leave her because most don't find her all that attractive and she, she admits, can be very self-centered.
View related questions:
breasts, christian, co-worker, lost my virginity Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, mnpadin +, writes (13 April 2009):
mnpadin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSquidVonLipwig, thank you. By my description of the situation, I realize that I sound sophomoric and so does my relationship. Make no mistake, though: we're madly in love. The conclusion I drew was like yours. I appreciate that you provided a well-thought answer whereas it would have been simpler to reply with a platitude.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): Your both not ready to settle down, you both been tempted and both actions are reasons to dump someone.
...............................
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (13 April 2009):
 I would take this as an opportunity to run! She doesn't sound like a nice Christian girl to me, I thought the whole point of that religion was forgiveness?
If she can't forgive you and you are now telling her that you have forgiven her sins, and that you must forgive me mine, well that means you haven't forgiven her and you are just holding it there as ammunition to hold against her.
To forgive is just that. You forgive someone and that is it, the fault/mistake/sin is never mentioned again.
If you two can't forgive and forget it is time to move on.
Also so what if your friends don't find her that attractive I think that is a very immature reason for wanting to dump her!
...............................
A
male
reader, SquidVonLipwig +, writes (13 April 2009):
 I would say she was being unfair. The "Holier Than Thou" attitude doesn't help matters really. What I mean is, if you managed to forgive her for something worse than what you have done, then she should grant you the same courtesy.Talk to her about this is all I can say. If she's not willing to forgive you then it may be time to move on and find someone with a little more tolerance and understanding.Either way, long-term relationships are built on trust, and after both of these things, it seems to me that you may have a hard time trusting eachother for respective mistakes.
...............................
|
