A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:ive been with my girlfriend for 2 yrs and she has supported me financially as ive been unemployed, i spend most of my time on the computer because i can chat to the women on there they understand me far better than my girlfriend does, although we have a fairly close relationship i stopped wanting to have sex with her a long time ago, now i feel she is nagging me into getting a job, nagging me about my online friends and nagging me about our lack of a sex life, this is making me very depressed but if was to leave i would have nothing as the house and contents all belong to her. on the weekends i like to go and watch football or go fishing i always take her with me and she moans about them too because she says we cant afford to do it and after a week at work she would be happy to just relax on the weekends, ive usually been home alone all week and i feel the weekends are for having fun together what can i do to make her see things my way, i feel like i may lose her and the house i live in, my car is currently on the drive with no MOT and needs £500 spending on it she says if i want it on the road i will have to get a job as she cant afford to run 2 cars and hers is needed for work, she also complains about having to pay for my son as he lives 250 miles away and each journey costs £70 we have him 105 days a year and his mum wont give me any money to help pay for his care so my girlfriend has to pay for it, she says she has her own child to support and doesnt want mine too, is she being selfish i cant talk to her anymore
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at work, depressed, money, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (28 April 2008):
 Get off your FAT ARSE AND GER A JOB. I hope your long suffering girlfriend finds a REAL MAN, so he can love and nurture her.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): Wow! You really do not mind being carried do you. I wish I had your self-centred attitude. First, you should be thanking her profusely. regularly for her support AND for the way she has tried to protect your pride. Though I think her generosity is wasted on you.I don't think you deserve it myself. but she evidently is a loving caring person. Two years is plenty of time to get your selfish person in gear and do something.If she has any sense at all she will dump you. that is of course if she sees through the emotional blackmail you are probably laying on her. You really should be ashamed of yourself.get a job, any job.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): You need to wake up and get yourself a job!Any job!I am highly qualified with a long list of experience and have good earning power, but this has not stopped me from washing dishes, waiting tables and shifting bricks when times have been hard.If you can't support yourself or you are not willing to try, then don't expect anyone else to either. That my friend is the cold reality of life. Get off your computer, get off your bum and get a job TODAY.You will feel like a human again by tonight and perhaps you will even deserve your girlfriend's love?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): Get a job and start supporting yourself like a man should. She has every right to be annoyed. Who is being the selfish one???? Her house that she bought with her money and supports you and your son? my god man, get a life for yourself and realise that there are givers and takers in this world. Which one are you??? I can't believe you would even write such a ridiculous article. She should leave you is my belief.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): Let me get this straight. You don't work. You chat online all day with other women 'who understand you better'. Your girlfriend is supporting you. She is also subsidizing the visitation with your son. I'm sorry what are you asking again... oh right if she is being selfish. Dude you aren't man your a parasite.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): Hmm... if I were the girlfriend, I would disable the PC from being used during the time I'm not home... I would look at the software that's out there to block internet access like parents use to keep children from chatting on line, or I would use the built in administrator function to require a password to use the PC......I would also change banks and keep the details from the boyfriend...and continue to pay the household bills but not other things......I would make other plans for the weekends and invite the boyfriend along, but I wouldn't pay for his entertainment......that's if I were the girlfriend..
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A
male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (27 February 2008):
This guy, assuming this isn't a joke, is nothing more than an egocentric ponce.
THERE IS QUITE SIMPLY NO POINT IN TRYING TO HELP SOMEBODY WHO IS NOT WILLING TO HELP THEMSELVES IN LIFE.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): i really wish this was a joke email im sad to say its not i am the girlfriend of the man who wrote it, stupid, yes probably, gullible yes that too. but deeply in love with him, he wrote it as honestly as he could that is the reality of our relationship and boy do i nag and nag and nag, he wonders why i come home in a mood at the end of a tiring day to find he hasnt moved other than from the sofa to the pc. he asks why he cant make me happy and when i tell him nothing changes, perhaps it is my fault as he says it is i cant give him up i just wait and hope things will change one day. :-(
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (27 February 2008):
 I'm sorry but nothing can convince me that this isn't a joke email.
Surely nobody can be this self absorbed and think it's their partner's fault.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): I will bet that your girlfriends self esteem is non existent since she met you. You are taking the P--- pal! You sound like a first class looser to me and probably to all who read your post. What a nerve. If i were her i would kick your a--- right out of the door and let you go back to the gutter where it sounds like you came from. Get a life!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (27 February 2008):
 I would like to read a post from your girlfriend. Do you think you could put yourself in her shoes and let us know how she's feeling about this lop-sided relationship?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): I really, really hope this post is a joke and not real.
Have you read it back? Come on man, what's up with you?
Get off your backside (apologies if you are disabled) and get a job and start paying your own way. You must be draining the life and soul out of your, very generous girlfriend. I am sorry but why is she paying for your kid?
Why is she the one who is putting all the effort into this relationship. You can't be serious about her being unreasonable now having had a gutsful. She should have made you face up to your responsibilities earlier. You should be contributing and making at least some effort.
You have a chip on your shoulder as we call it here. The only way you can change your life is to get off your bum and do something. If you don't and continue to be a leach on her you will loose her. Rightly so too.
You cannot possibly have an axe to grind with your partner. You have created your circumstance and it is time you put some action in to place to change it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): I don't mean to sound insensitive, but are you serious? She goes to work and has been supporting you for 2 years while you sit on your butt chatting with other women on line? Are you disabled? Is there a reason why you can go to work? To add to that you want her to pay for your car repairs and child from your previous relationship?She's not nagging you by any means, she's trying to give you some initiative to get out of the house and get a job so you can help support yourself and your child. It sounds to me as if you are the one being insensitive to her needs. I understand that you've been cooped up in the house all week so you want to get out on the weekends. She's been working all week so she wants to stay home and relax on the weekends. That's a very reasonable request. I understand that you've been cooped up in the house all week so you want to get out on the weekends. The question is why? So you don't work, but why don't you get out and do things during the week instead of sitting on your rump chatting to other women on the computer. Is that why you've lost your sexual interest in her too? Because you're spending so much time on the computer getting off on other women?I'm sorry, but unless you are physically or mentally disabled, I don't see why you can't get off your ass and get a job and stop blaming her for your problems. If I were her I would have kicked you to the curb a long time ago. You should consider yourself very lucky to have a woman who puts up with that crap.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): By your own admission you are sponging off your girlfriend, chatting up other women, and you think SHE's being selfish?I think you'd better look in the mirror my friend and start earning your keep.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): I think this girl is treating you outrageously. I also suggest you sit down with her and demand she works more hours or gets a better job to pay for your weekend activities. While you've got her sat there, ask her how she's got the cheek not to treat you as your on-line girls do. If she gives you some rubbish about how they'd put up with you if they had to support you, she's only trying to gain the moral high ground.Best of luckSteve[Moderator's note. Please observe the irony.]
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (27 February 2008):
 Annalisa has it about spot-on...you need to sit down and talk but there has to be some give and take in a relationship and she may well feel shes doing alot more of the giving right now and it seems to me she has some justification in feeling that way. You don't even seem to be trying to be honest and you have to start to appreciate her point of view.
Of course you are entitled to her support in tough times but that can't be constant especially when this is a situation there appears to be no reason that you can't do something about. I think, to be honest, you are really laying this relationship on the line and i can't see any reason why; is it possible you are depressed because that would be one thing that would drain your motivation.
You can't expect her to give you a free ride..and as far as I can see she is not being overly selfish, she has just reached the end of her teather...
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