A
male
age
36-40,
*everGoodEnough
writes:My girlfriend and I occasionally chat to eachother when we are at our parent's houses via MSN, now I have about 10-15 girls on my MSN contacts list and when she found out she went nuts at me even tho all of them but her were blocked, she told me thats unnacceptable as she only has 2 men on hers, 1 being me and the other being blocked (which I didnt believe for 1 second).So Im at my mums and i remember her telling me she changed her bebo profile to say that she loves me, but when I look at the profile it still says she is single and looking, so I text her telling her and she texts me her MSN password so I can change her profile (I would need her email password as she cannot remember her bebo password) So she tells me to log into her email account via MSN, after logging on I see she has well over 200 contacts, pretty much all men, not 1 single one of them blocked, saved under groups such as "my sexy ex 4eva" and "fit lads" etcthen I also see via her email inbox that she has profiles on pretty much every dating site going, despite telling me she only has bebo.What would you do in my situation?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): if i were you, i would let her know what you saw and that it made you very uncomfortable. second, it should be clear that double standards are unacceptable. i would be pissed, personally.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2008): She's not being fair to you..but she'd not being dishonest to you either. If she really has something to hide, she would have deleted all the contacts and email before allowing you to access to her msn/email. Explain to her how she is different from all the other contacts in your list and it would be fair for her to do the same.
And, i hope you two are open to each other to talk about things and wont end up in a heated arguments. You can ask her about her contacts and tell her (in a very nice way) how you feel about it.
Cheers.
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A
female
reader, Parisienne  +, writes (27 September 2008):
 Let her know that as soon as she deletes or blocks her "questionable" male contacts that you will reciprocate in turn. It is not fair for her to complain when she is doing the same thing.
It has been my experience (I agree with Emily) that the ones messing around are usually quite jealous and suspicious of their mates because they know the damage they are dealing and don't want to be treated the same way. They like things cooking at home, and to eat take out but the idea of you glancing at any other menu makes them nervous.
I had a similar situation with my fiance. A girl he has been talking to for ages became an issue because their discussion took a turn in fairly sexual/questionable territory via AIM. I discovered it while browsing chat history for an address/contact information from said girl to send her an invitation to our wedding! Naturally I went off the handle.
I told him she goes or I go- this kind of thing from someone who is promised me commitment isn't acceptable. So as others have said-- it depends on how committed the two of you are. Obviously, I'm still around so victory for me. LOL. She's toast and good riddance to bad rubbish!
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A
male
reader, gram  +, writes (27 September 2008):
 well it sounds like she dishonest,and in my opinion that is UNACCEPTABLE,she may be leaving her options to see how well you both go,but thats beside the point,she hasnt told you about the other sites.find someone honest,graham
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (27 September 2008):
I think it depends how long you have been going out. If it's only a few weeks then you may still be in the dating phase and she's keeping her options open.If it's longer than that or you have agreed that you are serious then yes this is not on.She's a hypocrite about your girls on MSN because people who play around are generally the most jealous kinds. They are flirty online so they assume everyone else is.I think you need to be careful with this girl. If you are only in the first dating stage then she may decide that you are the one and stop her other behaviours. If she is doing this when you are supposed to be serious then you might want to think about breaking it off.Good Luck!! xx
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