A
female
age
30-35,
*arie23
writes:I've had a FWBs relationship with a guy for a little over a year now, I've asked for advice on here before but now there is a different problem I seem to cant understand.He has recently become more affectionate with me and openly telling me he wants me, as to a month ago he was very skeptical and closed off about "us". I have tried to ignore it, thinking its just a phase or a tactic to keep me from finding someone new but it has become extremely confusing.He will tell me he wants me, wants to come over etc, but whenever the time actually comes he is extremely flakey. I'll tell him no and he becomes persistent and once I agree he will turn the tables and basically change his mind.example, I was in the office at work, (he's a football player), and he had an hr before he had to go back to practice. He came in and talked with me and made it known he wanted to have "relations" right there in the office. I said no, its too risky and he agreed. Ten minutes later he sneaks back in the office and grabs me and starts kissing me. So i figure ok, he wants to hang out tonight. I text him, ask later that night and he basically says no. This is a constant thing and becoming more frequent. I'm really confused on how he is feeling, or if he is really just playing games with me. I let it be known that I am upset with him or that I'm just not willing to chase him anymore and it seems whenever I do, he pulls stuff like this.Any idea what he's trying to do and what I should do? It's obvious he has feelings for me, he's admitted it but he keeps doing things like this and playing mind games...like a teenager. Is he scared? Is he toying with me? Should I wait and see what he does or should I just ignore him and get over it? I like him a lot, I know he has some type of feelings for me, I'm just confused.Any advice would be great, thank you!
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (4 October 2011):
 When you are clearly a FWB, the relationship rules do not apply. So, if it is not working for either one of you, why continue?
He is wanting you on demand, like hot and cold running sex on tap. When he was thirsty, you said no.
When you were thirsty, he said no.
So, who does this FWB actually benefit?
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 He is soooo playing you. He throws you a bone and plays the feelings card when he notices you may be slipping away, or rebelling- he does not want to loose his convenient sex provider and "just in case " option, and as soon he has mollified you with some BS ( and apparently it does not take that much effort ! )... he keeps doing what he's doing, i.e. using you without any committment, not even that little that it takes to schedule an appointment with a little advance, and then keep it .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011): no one can know why he's doing this, only him. Maybe he himself doesn't know and he's just going by whatever mood or feeling strikes him at the time. but the question is what do YOU want to do? I mean, cearly you don't like things the way they are now, so ideally what would you want this situation to be? do you want to be in a real relationship with him? or to stay as FWB? or to have this whole arrangement end?right now you're giving him mixed signals by playing into his games. it's become a 'dance' with both of you influencing the other's next move. He comes on to you, and you say no. He then becomes persistent so then you say OK. He then pulls back, and you chase him. you tell him you're upset yet you still pursue him. You ignore him one minute, and respond to him the next.YOU need to make your own behavior consistent, and not just be reacting to whatever he's doing.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 He's really messing you around by the sound of things, you can either up front ask him what he wants from you or simply end it and move on, doesn't sound like he's worth chasing to me if he treats you this way.
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