A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I think I'm in love with someone who's with another woman.Neither one of us are married. We've been close friends for months, now. I've dated off and on, and he's been with his girlfriend for a couple of years. He calls me his BFF. He confides in me about several things, including his relationship with her. They've had their ups and downs...Over the past couple of months, I've developed romantic feelings for him; he does not suspect, as I've kept my feelings hidden out of respect for his relationship. I would never go after another woman's man, no matter how I feel about him. I also feel that when you truly care about someone, you would want him or her to be happy, even if it's with someone else. I really do hope that she makes him happy.Still, when he tells me about visiting her, or them spending time together, it feels like someone is punching a hole in my chest. I hurt; I feel jealous; and I know it's wrong. I feel guilty about these feelings that I have. What should I do? How do I make these feelings stop?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 October 2011):
 OUCH... this is a tuffy.
I'm not going to have a popular response here but my take on it is this....
You need to tell him how you feel. For all you know he feels the same way. Be prepared for him to NOT reciprocate those feelings and that will leave the relationship awkward for at least a while if not forever but I think it's a risk worth taking...
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 Hmm this is a difficult one. It is very hard to maintain a friendship when one person gets feelings towards the other. I guess the best thing that you can do is to take a step back from him. I know you probably don't want to do this because he is very special to you, but honey it is hurting you way to much and you need to look after yourself here as well. It is good he has found a friend in you but it's unhealthy for you to keep these feelings built up. So I guess you need to make a choice here, either take a step back from him or else confess to him how you feel.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (4 October 2011):
 Well, I think you took the first step in acknowledging that you do have feelings for him. Plus you are aware of your feelings and know your moral bounds, which is a good sign.
One solution to the problem would be to reduce your contact with your friend. While he considers you a close friend, it may be difficult for the both of you to do this so it may not be feasible without expressing your feelings to him (which I don't recommend doing). Also, another one way to deal with the emotions is to start investing them in someone else, at least begin to get interested in someone else.
What may be spurring your feelings towards him is when he complains about his girlfriend. I suspect there is an amount of pity going on and you may be saying to yourself "I can make him so much happier." If this is the case, you may want to tell him it hurts you to her about the problems and that perhaps it is best not to talk about them.
Remind yourself that you have control over your feelings and that this man is in a committed relationship. If you plan on staying on "just friends" keep your emotions in check. Hopefully in time they'll be subdued and if he should suddenly become single, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't let your feelings be known.
Good luck.
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