A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok long story. I have a good friend that is in a really bad place right now. He has been with his gf for about 9 months. He hasn't been happy for at least 6. She treats him horribly and he can't stand to be around her. He was about to leave her 6 months ago but they found out she was pregnant. She admitted to sleeping with his best friend about the same time she got pregnant, and she said there is a good possibility that this baby could be his friends, but they are going to do a paternity test when the baby is born. She is 7 and a half months along. She is the type of person that if he leaves her before they find out whose baby it is, he will never know if it was his or not, and he will never see the kid. So he is sticking around until after the baby is born so he can be in its life. After the paternity test he fully intends on leaving her. Ok now you have the long winded background (sorry) time for the question. Him and I have known each other for a couple years now, and about a month ago we started sleeping together. (Please don't judge me... I don't think it's wrong because of the situation and that's not why I'm here) We agreed that until they were able to split up that we would keep feelings out of it, but I think he is starting to fall for me. He has started coming over almost every night and staying all night, even on the nights we don't end up having sex. He has gotten a lot more affectionate, even in public when we go out together. He holds my hand and kisses my cheek and puts his arm around me and all those kind of things. He calls (not texts) me every day and we talk for 2 or 3 hours. He tells me all the time that I'm beautiful, and I'm a wonderful person and a great mother to my daughter. He talks about our "future" together. Anyway, I think I may be falling for him as well, but I'm afraid to say something because I don't want to ruin any future chance of anything. So my question (sorry so complicated) is... Do you think he is falling for me? Should I tell him I'm falling for him or just see where things go? I know a FWB situation probably wasn't the best idea, but I enjoy it and I don't want what we have to end. Thoughts? Thank you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): OP, you do realize that it's very, very common for a pregnant woman to lose all interest in romance, sex and any form of intimacy right? You know they can feel like a beached whale, vomit a lot, wild mood swings and have aches and pains. This doesn't exactly make them feel very sexy. This is especially the case late on in the pregnancy.
It's more than likely he has absolutely no physical intimacy with her anymore because of this, I mean this is probably the reason he's become more affectionate with you. It can be very hard for the even the most loving and caring of guys to have to go months without any kind of affection and a woman that's a raging bag of hormones, moods and pain.
You need to talk to him and ask him what he wants from you and yes you should tell him now about your feelings for him. Seriously, you need to know now before you get in any deeper what he sees in this future of yours. If he says, "let's wait until the baby arrives before I tell you how I feel" or something to that effect then you're in trouble, because if he wants to be with you he'll know by now.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): This is going to get very messy for you, I have a feeling this going to get far more complicated.
It's possible he has feelings for you but something about this whole situation smells rotten, for you I mean. Look he's with her for more than just finding out if the baby is his.
He could just as easily leave her and get a court injunction to have her get a paternity test to see if it is his. But he's chosen to remain with her. That means he has feelings for her, which also means he's most likely using you for the things his girlfriend doesn't give him, intentionally or unintentionally, the result is the same. I mean the whole idea behind FWB is that he can end it at a moments notice if he wants to without feeling guilty.
You know what I think? I think he loves her and wants to be with her and you're just his shoulder to cry on and his plan B should the kid turn out to be his friends and not his. He's still with her and should the baby turn out to be his I have a feeling he'll just dump you. I think he's fostering a relationship with you so that if the baby isn't his then he's got someone already lined up as plan B.
Let me make this clear again, he's not with her just to get a paternity test, she can't legally deny him one so he could have left months ago. No he's still with her because if the baby is his then he's going to stay with her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): I really wish people would stop saying people are "messed up" just because of the life situation they're in. Not everything follows some perfect, fairy tale plan. This guy might be playing the field, but it sounds like he is caught in a rough place and is trying to do the best thing for the baby and for himself. That doesn't sound messed up to me at all. The only person who sounds messed up is his GF for sleeping with another guy. The agreement for FWB was mutual, and he is developing feelings. Honestly, he sounds like a really nice guy just dealing with a tough situation that he probably had nothing to do with causing. He's confused and anxious, just like anyone in his situation would be. You are there to support him, and that may be the catalyst for a very loving, long relationship. Sounds like it may be the beginning of something very good. And as far as baggage, who doesn't have baggage these days?You women have to stop labeling guys as "messed up" just because you cant deal with the tough situation some people get into.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 August 2010):
 First of all, that doesn't make sense. Why is he with his girlfriend before she has the baby if he doesn't intend to stay with her even if the baby is his? If she was sleeping with his best friend at the same time, he's under no obligation to stay with her, and can still be a good father if the baby turns out to be his.
The short answer to your question is YES, it's possible that if he's discussing a future with you, he's falling for you.
But, and I'm absolutely not judging you, but do you realize the unbelievable amount of baggage you're entering into with this guy? He's jumping from one relationship that he can't let go of, a baby he doesn't know the paternity to, a girlfriend (maybe soon to be ex, but I doubt it) who is holding onto him, and he's been sleeping with you for a month and wanting to "keep feelings out of it". Umm...what??
This guy is messed up! What happens if things start to get tough between the two of you? (and it will, because relationships take effort to maintain!) I would be nervous that he'd be cheating on YOU telling some other girl to "keep feelings out of it".
This is a complicated situation, and I can't see it coming out well for you in the long run.
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