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female
,
anonymous
writes: I want to know if my fiance is being inappropriate. My fiance is 33 and I am 24, but I never really thought the age difference was a problem. However, he talks to girls on myspace (that are his friend's younger sisters) and they are 15. I think it is a little weird. He also told me that before we met, this summer he was ice skating with a girl who was like 15. I told him this was weird, and all he said was he thinks I'm jealous of 15 year olds, and that all the sick-o's out there ruin it for the good guys. He got really defensive and said it's harmless befriending girls or boys of that age. I just want to make sure that I am headed into a safe relationship, not one where I'm worried he is a pedophile or molester. His psychiatrist from a long time ago told him he would always date girls about 10 years younger than him because he was behind 6 years in maturity level because as a child his mom was an alcoholic and he had it pretty hard growing up. I'm not trying to make excuses, I just want to know what the rest of the world thinks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): I have two teen daughters and I have to say that I would be very apprehensive as well as disgusted to discover an adult male sought a friendship with my teen daughters.
This is a role that a Father reserves and none else save trusted family memebers that will protect the teens and uphold family rules, standards, and values.
There is a difference between a Father, and possibly a sport or other afterschool leisure that a role model has.
Again, with this mentor role comes responsibility, maturity, respect and the adult male is expected to govern himself in accordance where the adult/teen lines are not crossed and that they are in tune with family teachings.
This isn't a "normal" behaviour.
There is nothing innocent when a grown man of the age of 34 would believe having friendships with a teen is a healthy, normal, adult past time as it is not and clearly boundaries are crossed with intentions/motivations.
I agree that you should trust your gut on this one. If your gut says "something isn't right" or "doesn't jive"...rely on this instinct.
The Good Guys don't prowl the internet to chat to teens. The good guys are honorable men with great integrity and would not feel a need to develop an unbalanced relationship with teenaged girls.
I know this because of my Dad, the greatest man I know, demonstrates time and again what a man is in the true sense of the word.
I asked of him and he says...lonely men who don't know right from wrong can lie to themselves about what they should and shouldn't do in the attempt to run away from responsibility and accountability-he sounds like a loser and sicko.
Dump him.
A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (27 February 2007):
 You know what? Maybe he is being normal but what do your instincts say? Do they say he is a stable, good guy or do they tell you that possibly some day down the line he might do wrong. I think you have a feeling one way or another and our instincts are our best guide when judging a person. Yes occassionally our opinions change but 9 times out of 10 the first instincts are the ones that last and are most true.
CD
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (26 February 2007):
 Hi there,
What a sticky situation. I'm worried that YOU'RE worried that this might not be a safe relationship. If you go into this feeling a little worried about his tendencies, I think you might want to consider backing out. It is a little weird to be hanging around fifteen year old girls all the time.
Maybe he's just a NICE guy. A super nice guy. But from the way that you tell it, it's going beyond that. He's getting defensive which is always a sign of SOMETHING going on...
I don't know about this one, sweetness.
My adviice? Proceed with CAUTION. Tell him to go back to his psychiatrist! If he does take your advice an dtalk to someone again, I'd go ahead and tell the psychologist (while he's not around) about his weird... communications with fifteen year old girls.
Be careful, sweetness. And I'd be a little sneaky about looking at the comments or messages he leaves on these girls myspace pages. If he IS writing inappropriate things to them, you absolutely MUST turn him in or send him to get help or SOMETHING. If you think any of these girls are in danger, do the right thing.
Good luck, sweetness!
xxIndia
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