A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really want to have sex with my boyfriend, and he seems to want to as well. Thing is, every time we're about to have sex, he cant get hard. I know its just nerves, and as I've told him, I'm willing to wait, but I was wondering if there was anything I could do to make him less nervous? He knows I've had sex with a lot of people, and he hasn't, so I think that might be the problem. Any ideas?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): Just be patient and it will all come right. You are young, is he the same age? If things dont go right after say 6 months then say to him to go to the doctors and get checked out, but i think it will soon pass, so dont worry. We all have a past, so you are not alone, and if yours bothers him then tough, he will have to get used to it. We cannot erase the past, just grow on it.
take care
xx
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (17 March 2008):
 Yes performance anxiety is quite likely. Men often feel the need to 'compete' on some level, it can be difficult for a guy when he feels he has to measure up to all your previous men. I suggest you flatter him a lot, and try to make him feel comfortable, sexy and capable.
On the flip side, if you've had sex with 'a lot' of guys at the age of 16 / 17, you might want to consider slowing down a bit. Life isn't a race to see how many people you can sleep with, and you quality goes much further than quantity when it comes to having a fulfilling sex life. Plus, as you are finding out, it gets increasingly difficult to find a long-term boyfriend who will want to be with you once your number of previous partners gets into very high numbers. You generally start to need to find a very experienced guy (who won't be put off or intimidated), and the thing about very experienced guys (in my experience) is that they don't generally tend to stay faithful for very long. There's always exceptions of course, but it can certainly make life a bit more difficult later on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): So far, both responses are excellent. His response could be from many things. Not adding to the others ... it could be how you treat him: if he is mellow and your hyper, this could cause an uneasiness in him. I myself am not ready when my mate flips the switch, it takes time, foreplay, cuddling.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (17 March 2008):
 I would get limp too if I was a guy and knew you had had sex with LOTS of people. Tell me, have you been tested for STD's? You might not have any, but he might worry about them. Get tested, show him the results (if this is the case.)
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (16 March 2008):
 Hi,
not all us guys are able to instantly get wood when we have an attraction to a girl. For some of us the intimacy needs to be reafirmed before we feel comfortable having sex with a girl. So I would suggest just to take things easy. Start slowly, if it is all rushed then he will feel nervous and anxious and these are not the best situations to get an erection. So slow slow slow, start with getting him hard through hand relief or a blowjob.
But maybe now is not the time to remind him of your past lovers who were able to perform.
good luck.
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