A
female
age
30-35,
*loveshopping
writes:Well the situation is that I have been going out with this lad for just over 2 months. We were set up by our best friends who thought we would go well together. I was very badly hurt in my previous relationship with my ex which lasted 4-5 months. During this time it wasn't a mutual loving relationship and my ex used me when he wanted me. I now realise that, but at the time I thought I was in love.That was about 8 months ago, but I still find myself listening to music and relating lyrics to our time together. He has moved on and got a new girlfriend, and I am happy with my new boyfriend, so why am I doing this? :/My new boyfriend lets call him Liam. Liam is sweet, caring, thoughtful and has all the time in the world for me. The complete opposite of my ex and I seem to have more in common with him. However, I kind of find him quiet and sometimes I seem to think that the spark sometimes isn't there. But practically all the time feel euphoric when I look into his eyes. Its my ex putting the seed of doubt in my mind!But I recently thought of ending things with him , as he tried to go too far with me. What made it worse was the fact it was totally unexcepted and other people were in the tent, but he still tried to put his hands done my pants after going out for 2 weeks. It scared me as I had never got that intimate with my ex. It was too much, too soon. So I spoke to him and we sorted things out. But I still feel detached, and I always look at the bad points of everything related to us. I have a feeling my ex is to blame and my low self esteem that is due to him.Things are going really well now and we have organised a movie night later on this week and I am sleeping over at his house. I now without a doubt that stuff will happen. And I am cool with that, as I generally like him, but how do I stop myself from freaking out about letting someone so close to me?I always feel that the ones I love always break my heart.How do I forget about my ex completely, to make sure my new relationship works, because I really don't want to ruin it with him?. He is sooo good to me :)Please help! :)
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best friend, my ex, self esteem, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (20 June 2011):
 The simple answer: Yes and No.
While others can effect how we perceive our own self worth-it is ultimately up to US to determine our own worth. You are in charge of your own feelings.
Other insight:
"That was about 8 months ago, but I still find myself listening to music and relating lyrics to our time together. He has moved on and got a new girlfriend, and I am happy with my new boyfriend, so why am I doing this? :/"
You are looking back and not forward. You are also remembering the fonder times of your past relationship. It is fun to visit, just do not live there.
But practically all the time feel euphoric when I look into his eyes. Its my ex putting the seed of doubt in my mind!
You might not be feeling "the spark" because you a bit more guarded in the new relationship. I do not think your ex is doing to you. It is your mind. Find other things to distract your brain with!
Unwanted thoughts are like unwanted guests. You do not need to invite them in to live with you permenantly.
Your new bf was moving too quickly with you. It is ok to say No. You are not ready. Telling the new bf No does not mean the ex ruined your self esteem.
I do not believe that is a self esteem issue. Choosing not to become intimate does not mean you feel poorly about yourself. You are not ready to give yourself to someone like that. That takes a STRONG person to know that, not a weak one.
DO NOT spend the night at his house if you feel he might put you in a situation that will make you uncomfortable and try making the moves on you.
When you really WANT to be intimate with someone, you WILL KNOW. You will not freak out. It will be exciting and it will be something you look forward to...with the RIGHT PERSON!
How do I forget about my ex completely, to make sure my new relationship works, because I really don't want to ruin it with him?. He is sooo good to me :)
Maybe you did not really grieve the loss of the OLD relationship before getting in a new one? Forgetting an old love takes time. How much time is what is going to feel right to you. You can not rush your heart or body!
And if the new bf really is a wonderful person-he will understand and let you take your own sweet time gettng there.
Best Wishes
A
female
reader, SMARTERthaniappear +, writes (20 June 2011):
 Question 1
I still find myself listening to music and relating lyrics to our time together. He has moved on and got a new girlfriend, and I am happy with my new boyfriend, so why am I doing this?
Answer = To answer this simply... Think about when you were a kid. You probably had a blanket that you carried around with you everywhere. It made you feel secure and comfortable. You'd cry if it wasn't in your presence. A new blanket wouldn't cut it. Your bf is the blanket and you don't want to rid of it because you wouldn't be yet used to it. It's like how parents don't like to rid of their childs baby stuff.
Question 2
How do I stop myself from freaking out about letting someone so close to me?
Answer = Open your heart and allow other possible boyfriends to enter. It's normal to be scared of getting close to another guy because you don't want to gain strong feelings for him and get hurt again. You have to force yourself to allow others to enter or you'll miss out on someone great. Start slow and build a relationship. You don't have to rush into things. I'm sure he'll understand. If not, he's not the guy for you.
Question 3
How do I forget about my ex completely?
Answer = No one can just rid of the emotions they felt for someone. IT'S NOT POSSIBLE! Those feelings will eventually though begin fading away once someone is there to fill the empty space. I wish you the best =)
HOPE I HELPED ^.^
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