A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my girlfriend after many years together. I snapped one day after her complaints. I wasn’t in a good frame of mind. We gave it space and I met her again last week as I was in the area. She was star struck, giggling didn’t know what to say. We briefly spoke for 10-15 mins and at the end she gave me a kiss on the lips and a tight hug. As soon as I left she called me , and did not want to get off the phone but I had to drive. She has declared she still has feelings for me. However when I’m back she has been a little quiet. She always replies but does not communicate much. She did video call me the following day and I saw the EXACT same pics on the wall from last few years to find myself all over her wall of our memories. She had never taken them off! This really made me think that it was me that had issues and she never quiet stopped loving me. She did mention she was upset I only sent flowers and never attempted to converse about it. It was miscommunication and I was trying not to burden her with pressure. But she took it as disinterested. Anyway now I would like to pursue it again but unsure how to do so. We clearly love each other and other circumstances , covid etc all came in the way. Anyway I would like an insight from females about what they think I should do. She has had one sexual partner in that time she told me about which she last saw in Feb. She has reduced this contact since I have been back on the scene. I do not care about the past as I was not with her but I am concerned what her feelings are going forward. She never blocked me and when I did stop replying she called many times “just to see how I am” as she said she was worried. But than next day she is quite simple with texts. Is she playing hard to get? When I am in front of her she is a different person. I have noticed she has filled up her routine with two jobs, works crazy hours and drinks a lot with her cousins/family which shows she is not in her normal frame of mind as she usually does not drink a lot.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2022): Im the one who said go at her pace as in don't pester or badger her. I think you are both trying to work the other one out and both giving out mixed signals because there is a game being played.
You can lay your cards on the table but do it with honesty and let her know exactly how you feel and what you want to happen then let her know you are there for when she wants to meet and talk, put the ball in her court, tell her how you feel but without pressure then give her the time to think...
Or you can do as Emmy apple has suggested but at the end of the day you know your ex girlfriend better than we can ever second guess to how she would best respond
It seems you let her down and she is very undecided on if to give it another go
A
female
reader, EmmyApple  +, writes (27 April 2022):
I’m confused. Do you want to get back together with her or not? If you do, you need to do more than just casual talk. You need to do something special, a romantic gesture to apologize for your stupidity in breaking up with her. You need to sweep her off her feet again and earn her trust again. It will take a lot of effort.
If you don’t want to get back together, then what are you doing? By talking to her, you are sending the signal that you’re still interested. But by being so casual and not really repairing the pain of the breakup, you’re indicating that you’re not interested. She is as confused by your actions as I am, which is why she’s acting weird.
She obviously still cares about you, so you have a chance to repair this relationship if you want to. But you need to act now, otherwise she will just move on emotionally.
If you want to make things right, you need to do something special for her to show her how sorry you are for the breakup, and to make it clear to her that you want her back. You need to clearly communicate to her (in words and also in actions) that you want her back, preferably in a sweet and romantic way that is special to her. Think about the kind of things she likes and what would be meaningful for her.
This is not gonna be easy but based on what you said (her checking in on you, keeping your pictures up, etc.) she’s clearly not over you yet, so you have a real chance here to get her back but you need to act fast and put in the effort.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2022): Thank you.
What does going at her pace mean? She always replies although not in much detail. If I pull away she makes more effort. But any advances for dates or even a holiday, she has rejected.
I’m confused what she wants. I’m not asking her to marry me, I’m just asking for her to meet and talk. Sometimes it’s frustrating but when I see her pain I grow patient.
I just have a feeling she is dwelling on something she has not told me about. I cannot confirm this but I can move on if she acts a little normal.
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A
female
reader, QueenCupcake +, writes (24 April 2022):
 Since you came across as disinterested, she’s probably trying to limit her communication with you, and she’s probably also a little cautious because of you guys’ past. You need to show her you still want her. Like how did you get her in the beginning? Ask her out on a date, let the ball be in her court.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2022): When you break up with someone the feelings for them don't just go away and obviously she feels she had/has a bond with you. Her fling was no doubt a way of trying to move on but at the end of the day we don't switch off our feelings.
I'm reading from your post that while she obviously still has feelings for you she is also apprehensive hence the reactions she gives and it sounds like she has thought about your past relationship and is unsure where she stands with you.
I think you need to be patient, go at her pace, ask her if she wants to go on a date and take things slowly. I disagree that exes can't work again, circumstances at the time can affect things and if two people genuinely miss each other and realise what they have lost then lots of couples get back together and learn from the break up.
You need to be honest with yourself on the reasons why on your part you broke up and also do you genuinely want to be with her for the right reasons because her uncertainty will be fear you will leave her and hurt her all over again and she is gaining independence now and is unsure if its worth rekindling it with you.
Be open but not pushy and don't play games encourage honesty and just see how it goes
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