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male
age
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*hylacine
writes:Hi, I am a single dad of a 15 year old girl and came home one day to hear laughing coming from my daughters room when I didnt even expect her to be home.so I just went over and walked in to ask her how her day was and I find my daughter naked with two girls from her school who were also naked, on the bed and in what I can only describe as a lesbian act.what does this mean, is my daughter gay ?? we have always talked openly about things, but she is not talking about this with me at all, it may be out of embarrassement but how can I get her to talk with me about this ??all three girls took the day off school so that they could do this.would appreciate any advice or help.
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female
reader, rachael b  +, writes (8 March 2010):
shes experimenting ,messing about, trying something new, i'd have sex with a girl tomorrow if i had the chance that doesnt mean im gay and so what if she is shes your daughter you should love her gay or not
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male
reader, thylacine +, writes (7 March 2010):
thylacine is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou all have assumed that I did not knock on my daughters door but at no point did I say that I opened the door, it was already opened and I could see in the room from two rooms away.
anyway that night she came to me to talk and to explain herself so we had a talk and all is well, she feels that she is bi as she has strong feelings for one of the girls but also has feelings for biys and is trying to find out about herself.
I am ok either way, was just shocked at the time.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): The teens are about finding out where you fit in. So she might be gay, she might be experimenting, she might have been heavied into it by her friends. The last reason is why you'll have to talk with her about it.
Obviously you are disappointed that she skipped school. Sex is not an acceptable reason. Whatever the usual penalty for skipping school is applies (in our house that's a week's grounding, no phone, no internet).
For sure she is embarrassed. For two reasons: people are about sex, and you walked in on her naked. The first just comes with the age. The second is entirely your fault and you need to apologise and learn to knock. That's something you should have been doing since about 9yo.
Be cool about her sexuality -- whatever it turns out to be -- because fights over sexuality go to the core of someone's being and denying your daughter her sexual preference is one of the few fast ways to lose her love.
You probably should point out that sex without love is a disaster waiting to happen. You should keep an eye out for your daughter being bullied (at school, SMS, MSN) because the other two girls talked and make her out as the "leso".
So have think. Do you accept sex under your roof? If so, what are the rules. In our house with a 16yo girl it has to be safe sex with someone who has been introduced to us, is acceptable to us (generally, a nice person roughly her age), is serious and not casual, and no one under 15yo is at home. Conveniently, those rules also fit the adults' behaviour. But -- in those famous words you say a lot to teenagers -- "your house, your rules". If you aren't comfortable, it won't work.
Then have a chat. You are cool with whatever sexuality she finds for herself, and lots of people experiment along the way. Did her friends take advantage of her search for sexuality? Warning that her partners may not be so nice after the event, but you are there to catch her, as always. Apology and new rule for opening doors. Role of sex and love and how casual sex often exploits the vulnerable, you are worried that this happened to her. Your rules for sex in your house. Agree penalty for skipping school.
This is a grown-up sitting at the kitchen table chat. It might be the first of these the two of you have. So get it right. Make sure she learns from this how adults talk seriously: no TV, no SMSing, no storming off, no shouting. Crying is fine. Doing each other the respect of honesty and thought-out discussion. Set the tone by showing her respect -- ask if she wants a coffee (or something else adult, but not alcohol).
Best of luck,
a fellow Aussie.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): The issue is not whether or not she is gay. The issue is that she is blowing off school for this crap.
She's underage, and threfore legally not allowed to engage in this sort of activity with others. In any shape or form.
So sit her down, she'll be embarrased, but thats her own damn fault for wagging school. Tell her you don't care even in the lsightest about her romantic preferences, and understand completely that she will likely be experimenting sexually at her age.
Tell her that it is NOT okay to have friends over without your permission under ANY circmstance. It is NOT okay for her to be engaging in sexual activities with other people until she is 16.
And it is NOT okay to be wagging school for ANYTHING. And if you even so much as THINK she's wagging school ever again, you will rain down and ungodly fucking firestorm upon her that would make the Angels weep.
It isn't her secual preferences that matter. Its the fact she is wagging school for them.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2010): I don't know if it matters whether she is gay or not. At this point.
What is worrying is that she was with multiple partners at a time when she should have been in school. At her age, sexual activity should be limited to trying kisses and some fondling, not naked with two parters in a bed.
Have you thought of contacting the other parents, quietly? I think you should. If this was happening at anyone else's house, I think you'd rather know than not. You all can seek help. Talk to someone at school, a counsellor who will keep this confidential but has experience with teenage sexuality.
So behave normally around her. Its okay to tell her that you are fine if she gay, and that is a non-issue. But set ground rules about sex and about school. Work with her to implement them. I am sure, she's going to think that you will react to the lesbian nature of the act, and if you do that she'll just rebel. If you ignore that and work on the rest she will try to be more responsible about exploring her sexuality.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2010): Just let have have her space to experiment and to find out who she really is.
When you feel the time is right just talk to her about it if she won't tell you don't demand an answer just wait till shes ready to tell you
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female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (6 March 2010):
 She may be worried to talk about this incase you get mad at her, for taking a day off school or for what you saw, it is important that you make sure that she knows you are not mad at her you are just concerned about her feelings. Like other people have said, girls at 15 are known to experiment woth their same sex sexuality alot more than males of the same age, so it does not mean for certain that she is gay, although the act you have stated seem a little further from simple exploration so my guess would be that she is gay or atleast bi but that is only in my opinion ( just so you know i myself am gay female). Just make sure that if she does decided to talk to you about anything surrounding this keep calm and make sure you listen to everything she has to say and do your best to understand, which im sure you will as you seem a very supportive father which she is lucky to have in a situation like this. good luck and please update that situation if you need any other help =]
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2010): Hi. She sounds a little out of control. And at her age, you should really be knocking before entering her bedroom. You have to speak to her about the incident with these girls. If shes embarrassed, so be it. Thats what you get for playing truant, inviting school friends to your parents home without permission, having sex with them and getting caught!
Im afraid ignoring it all isnt helping her or you. You arent her friend, you are her father and one of her role models. Start behaving like one and speak to her. Her sexual orientation shouldnt be the issue here. Would you have been any happier if you had found her in bed with 2 boys?
Being under age for sex, promiscuous, skipping school and disrespecting your home are the things you should be addressing with her. And bare in mind not all parents would be pleased to discover their daughters were in your home having sex when they should have been at achool. There could be legal implications if they were so inclined, so talk to your daughter as asap.
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (6 March 2010):
It is not unusual for girls that age to experiment with what they have seen on the porn sites. It does not necessarily mean she is gay. If you are really concerned then ask her mother to talk to her or make an appointment with a therapist for a few sessions. You can't just bury your head in the sand and pretend this never happened. Just tell her that after what happened the other day, since you won't talk to me I have arranged for you to see --- for 5 sessions. I love you very much but I am concerned that you are experimenting with sex while under 18. She should also be reprimanded for cutting class. If she refuses to compromise or hear anything you have said, just give her the most effective punishment I have found works with my teen daughter; take the cellphone!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2010): First of all I think you set a new house rule about knocking before walking into rooms, this is for every ones privacy.
She might be gay, although at 15 she could be trying things out, or she could be bi.
I would tell her that when she is ready to talk, you are there for her and reassure her that you love her.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 March 2010):
She could be, and it's likely. Of course, being 15, she might also be experimenting and is a little unsure of herself. I don't think you can get her to talk about it, because she's probably dreadfully embarrassed. I think the best thing you can do is to tell her you're her father and you love her very much, and that any time she wants to talk to you about anything, whether it's that or anything else, she can. Reassure her you love her and are there for her. She may not open up, but it will make her feel a lot better on the inside knowing that you're just there for when she does want to talk. She needs to be able to trust you, so you need to gently reassure her that you're her father and you're there. Then when she's ready, she will come to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2010): Look, first, she's 15- she could be gay, she could be curious about sex and the girls were a safer choice than boys, or she could be curious about sex with girls. The fact that there were two other girls involved suggests this was a 'for fun' event vs. 'for love'. If she's a lesbian, there's going to be a love component in there, not just sex.At a minimum this is a phase, but you need to be prepared to accept that it could be a lifetime choice. My best friend (f) has bounced back and forth across this line, been married once, in a 7 year lesbian relationship, and is now dating a great guy. (I liked her prior partner a lot too). Give her some room to grow and a safe place to be.If you sit her down to talk, make it about skipping school, and assure her that you love her.From now on, knock and be invited in prior to entering. She's at the age where she needs some degree of privacy.
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female
reader, bite  +, writes (6 March 2010):
 Fifteen is a difficult age for a girl, your body is still changing. Alot of your classmates are finding significant others. You're curious and usually feel at 15 that you know how to handle all the emotions that can come with sex.You might find that if she's very close with her friends they were just experimenting and getting comfortable with being touched and stuff with people they felt they could trust. I wouldn't worry to much about her not wanting to talk to you about it. Most teens would feel uncomfortable discussing that with a parent.I think the best thing would be to reassure her that no matter what her sexual orientation is you will always love her. Then leave it to her to bring it up again in conversation, don't make a big deal about it to her as this might push her into a more extreme behaviour either way.Good luck mate, I hope you guys get back to feeling comfortable and being open with each other soon :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2010): Sorry to say, but DUHH!, isn't this obvious? Yes your daughter is gay. I wouldn't try to get anything out of her about it though. I have a gay friend, she doesn't want to tell her mum because she's scared that her mum wont love her anymore. Isn't it kinda illegal to have "sex" at 15??
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