A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I am dating someone new, and we've been together for about four months or so now. He is completely wonderful and I am very much in love with him. We started out both saying that we didn't want a relationship and wanted to just hang out for fun (he just gotten out of a relationship not a month before), but we very quickly fell for each other and he asked me to be his girlfriend (juvenile, but totally cute). He recently told me he loved me, and I very much love him too. He treats me like a queen, and is very sweet.Here's my thing. The girl that broke up with him shortly before we met, is still "there". I use quotations because I'm not really sure what to think. My boyfriend is still very close with his ex's mom and sister, and my boyfriend's mom loves his ex's mom and they go for lunch and the like. My boyfriend visited his ex's mom last night and told me that she said that his ex is having a lot of trouble with her emotions and wrapping her head around the break up, because she "is thinking she may have made a mistake", in dumping my boyfriend.My boyfriend claims to be completely over her, but he makes comments sometimes that lead me to believe that he's not (snide comments about her, and snide comments about pictures he's seen on her Facebook and things like that). Whenever I hint that he might not be over her, he swears up and down that he is, but I don't know - the whole thing gives me a bad feeling.I kind of feel like it's only a matter of time before he starts thinking he might want to go back to her. He loves her family and they love him. His family loves her and her family. I just feel like I can't compete in this situation (nor would I try to - it's not my style to fight over a man), as they have over two years of history. So what should I do? I kind of feel like maybe I should step out of the picture and let them work on what they need to work on. But that idea makes me feel not so good either, because I love my boyfriend very much, and want to be with him for the long haul. I just don't want any part of that kind of drama. Am I overreacting? How should I handle this situation?
View related questions:
broke up, facebook, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2012): You're not overreacting, that makes it very hard for you.
He's in a new relationship & he shouldn't be visiting her family, if it is bothering you. You shouldn't have to hear that she is having second thoughts about the break-up, that isn't fair to you.
Men see things differently, tell him how this makes you feel. If he cares for you, he'll consider you're feelings & make changes. If he doesn't, he isn't the one.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2012): Hi! I can totally feel for you, i know how hard it is, feeling like you don't belong and you are madly in love with him and just can't let go..If your bf still love her ex?In my own opinion base on your stories. YES he does still care for her, i'm just not sure to what extent.But if he loves you? Yes he does too. But he still loves her ex too.So, its a kind a complicated. Your not over reacting at all. its normal how you feel.How you should handle this?1. Be reasonable. Is there really something that you should be worried about? like is he spending time with you the way he should spend time with you? or is it less than usual?2. Is he giving you reason to feel insecure?if you don't see anything unusual, then stop putting stress on yourself. Believe him when he says he LOVES you. Probably true... Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2012): if he says he loves you then you should believe him unless he does something to make you believe otherwise, although i do understand why you have doubts its difficult breaking up with someone especially if hes close to the family aswell but you need to tell him how you feel, i wouldnt be pleased if my boyfriend was visiting his exs family but of course your going to feel threatened by itjust tell him how you feel and maybe he should back off from the exs family especially if he wants to move on, its not really possible if hes still that close to them and like you said his ex is cut up about it so he should really step away from her and her family if he wants to be with you and not herit cant be easy for his ex to see him with someone new and so soon after the split and him visiting the family cant be doing you or her any good
...............................
|
