A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I want to tell you the story of my relationship/love affair and am hoping that someone could give me their thoughts on the situation. I have been in a long distance relationship with a man for about 3 months. Our relationship started off as somewhat of a love affair. He was living with a girlfriend of 8 years and their young son when we first met at work about 6 months ago. Since our first meeting, we started exchanging text messages and chatting online incessantly, which quickly escalated to blatant flirting and conversations charged with sexual tension. Because we live in different cities about 6 hours away from each other, our interaction for the first 3 months had been restricted only to text, online, and some phone conversations. In July, his girlfriend went out of town for the weekend and he suggested that we meet up. I was torn the night before as I knew what I was getting myself into. Against my conscience, I agreed and we met up in a city half way between us. We drank, shared our feelings, and had sex that night. We spent the new few weeks analyzing our situation, talking about his relationship with his gf at the time, and discussing our vision of what the future holds. I read up on books about affairs in an attempt to understand the psyche and motivation of men who cheat and that of the other women. He went to his counselor to get advice. He told me that this was his first time he's ever cheated and that it went against everything he stood for in his life. At the end of it all, he decided that his feelings for me were real while his relationship with his ex has deteriorated long before he was willing to recognize. He had a talk with his gf and discussed with her the potential of ending the relationship. All this happened within a month's time of our first and only intimate encounter since we first met through work. We met up again in August, which reaffirmed his feelings for me, and immediately after that, he officially broke up with his gf. His gf was calm and accepting throughout the whole process, even when he told her about me. She bought a new house, and had moved out of his place about a couple of weeks ago. They now split up their time caring for their son so he would still be in the child's life.We now see each other about once every two weeks because the distance makes it difficult. I am meeting his family next weekend and he wants me to eventually move to his city. I think back and till this day remain amazed at all that happened within such a short time. What I still struggle to understand is how he could so easily give up his long relationship to be with someone whom he's met twice, maybe 3 times (if you count our August meeting). Is it a reflection of his love for me or does it speak more about his impulsiveness or lack of responsibility? Was it a huge sacrifice that he's made to be with me or am I just the trigger or some long-awaited push-in-the-back that finally motivated him to move on from a dying relationship?
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affair, at work, broke up, flirt, his ex, long distance, move on, moved out, split up, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2013): We can only speculate what's going on in his head.
The only questions you should be asking yourself are 1) Do you trust him - that he won't cheat on you too and leave you impulsively in the future? 2) Are you sure that you know him enough to be considering moving cities and living with him?
For what it's worth, I'm sure his ex girlfriend felt loved by him too when they first started going out.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (6 October 2013):
 Maybe he does really have feelings for you but there are red flags here. For starters, he cheated on his girlfriend of 8 years to be with you and that, in my book, is not excusable. If you're not happy in a relationship, have the guts and the decency to call it off rather than demeaning your partner and cheating on them. And no, children being involved is no excuse to stay on in a dead relationship and then cheat on the child's mother. His ex must really be a nice person to have accepted things this gracefully when all of this is just a big slap in her face. Put yourself in her shoes and think.
If you feel that too much is happening too fast, then it probably is. He pulled the plug on a eight year long relationship to be with someone whom he's just met 3 times? Either he REALLY loves you or this is just sheer impulsive behavior triggered by a rush of adrenalin at the prospect of being with someone new and exciting.
I would be more concerned about the cheating though. Assuming things get stale with you and the honeymoon phase inevitably ends, will he run off to the next best thing? Cheating is really a BIG deal breaker, at least for most people and you should really get to know this man better before you commit to anything. It might be a big ego boost for you now, that a man just dropped his partner of 8 years to be with you, someone he's barely known, but think long and hard.
This relationship started on a foundation of cheating. You had sex with a man who was still in a relationship and he cheated on his partner with you. Doesn't sound too good, does it?
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (6 October 2013):
My guess is that he was in a relationship that should have died long ago but they didn't want to admit it because if the child. When he met you it gave him the motivation he needed to face the reality of their relationship.
Although I'm sure that had you been nothing special he wouldn't have made the decision so quickly.
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