A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my bf were together for 3 years and 7 months. I am 26 and he is 24. We have been through some wild periods (arguing a lot, broke up several times, got back together). He is a bit difficult to talk to and solve problems, since he does not like talking about feelings and so on. But he shows in his way that he likes me and I do not panick when he does not explicitly say " I love you" or "I like you". We have been taking it easy last months and basically did not argue at all. I guess it is beause I got a demanding job I love and him too (in addition to study at University) so we find more pleasure in having a nice time instead of talking about difficult stuff and arguing. I am fine with that as well. Anyway, I found his profile on one web page and things he posted on different forums are public - well, so I read them. I was quite surprised about what he wrote there. He behaves like an alpha male. He describes his experience of sex with women ( I was his first and the only girl he had sex with, if you want to ask wheter I am sure - then I must say I am quite sure, because most of the days in a week we spend together because we both want to) and gives weird advices about relationships, like: " you want that bitch back? just dont text her or anything, she will come back".He also describes how he goes out (he doesn´t) and flirt with chicks and " how a man must behave in order to get a chick". He also talks about me in his stories like about A GIRL that once broke up with him because of another dude ( I just broke up with him, not because of some other guy) and then she came back begging and wanting him back and sending him love letters until TODAY - Which of course never happened!!!He comes from a weird family. They don´t really care there about eachother, don´t celebrate birthdays of christmas, in addition he moved from RUssia to this country 15 years ago and had some problems to adjust and find friends.Lately he also speaks a lot about how life goes so fast and he did not achieve anythiing and saying that hi is jealous of his "best" friend (they are not that close)who is good at his job, get the most beautiful women (he has a new woman every week) and go out often.I seriously do not know what to think. This post is not about " shall I break up with him or not? Oh he is so bad " , because I am not 15 anymore and do not think people immediately have to break up. He never cheated on me (neither did I) which is rare and I like that we have so many things in common. What he posts on internet bothers me in the sense that I feel like he really has some existentional crisis or maybe worse? It almost sounds like a split personality.. Guys, do you have any advices what to do if he is so difficult to talk to? All I tell him is " WHat is going on with you and your life? You can talk to me if you have some problem". But I know I will get nothing out of him. I feel totally useless. He is a cool guy and I Just wish he got his life back on track. But it seems like he is getting more and more lost. Or is it just being immature?? When he is 24???? Any response is appreciated.Is my boyfriend psycho or something?
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broke up, cheated on me, christmas, flirt, got back together, his ex, I love you, immature, jealous, period, text, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (7 November 2011):
Hi. If it wasn't about marriage, what was the "difficult stuff" you referred to? Perhaps I can help, because it is an issue to you it seems.
Maybe he's going through a restless stage of his life, where he really has no idea of what he wants.
Unfortunately, until he decides what it is he does want and what direction to proceed in, it could be a rocky road.
Perhaps he's even wondering if a relationship is actually what he wants at all. It's entirely possible.
He might also be thinking along the lines of what other things he would like to do before he finally settles down to marriage, mortgage and kids.
Maybe he's thinking of such things as travel, and seeing some of the world.
While he's still young and healthy, it could be one of his goals.
You know, the "things to do before you die" issue, that a lot of us think about from time to time.
He obviously likes being with you, and as well as that he could be wanting to widen his horizons towards travel and doing other things - besides being in a relationship.
And what you really want, does come into this as well.
You have told me now that you aren't particulary interested in marriage at the moment, so it might be interesting for you to also think about some life goals.
Life is so short, and sometimes we all feel like we are running out of time to follow all those dreams we had.
Don't die with regrets. Do it now, while you still can.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answer. I agree that we did not argue because we did not have any serious talks about anything. However, I do not want to get married. Not now , and probably not even later. And he neither. Nobody does. I just enjoy as it is and thought we were doing good until I discovered his split personality on the internet. But thank you in any case.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (6 November 2011):
Hi there. Talking about difficult stuff as you said, sounds like the - "Where is this relationship going?" -conversation.
After 3 years and 7 months, it's no wonder you are thinking about this.
The best thing you could do now, is to NOT focus on it and say nothing about it at all, as it only results in arguments, doesn't it?
The key point here, is you said lately you had a few nice times out together where you were happy, and it was pretty relaxed. Probably because no mention was made about the future.
Men don't like to be put on the spot about the future or marriage, and will often withdraw. So for this reason, just relax and enjoy the NOW. The future will look after itself. There's no rush to get married - there's plenty of time for settling down.
And you might find that once you stop thinking about marriage altogether, that it will just happen anyway. Without any prompting from you.
The chances are high that marriage is probably where it could be heading, otherwise he wouldn't have stayed with you, would he?
Let the suggestion of marriage or the future, come from him. Men DO like to be in control when it comes to affairs of the heart. And especially in the decision making process of whether to marry or not.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 November 2011):
 I don't think that he is psycho. My guess is that it is just a pass time for him. He doesn't like talking about serious things and this is his way of letting himself go and pretending to be someone that he is not. He is just venting over the internet and making up lies for his own amusement I feel. But you are in a relationship with him and you should be able to talk to him and tell him how you feel. If it has deeply affected you well then you need to talk to him and tell him what you discovered. Communication is honestly the best way.
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