A
female
age
26-29,
*ajafoxie
writes:Ok, so...my boyfriend's truck broke down this past summer and I got a car about two or three months after. He could have got another by now had he saved better but idk. He spends his money on weed mostly and his phone bill and car insurance bill since he didn't get rid of the car and doesn't plan on it. So onto my question. I've been driving the two of us around our entire relationship. Lately I've been making him drive. My issue is that he doesn't fill up my tank and never offers. He didn't get me anything for my birthday not even a card. He wanted to take me out for ramen for my birthday but there was miscommunication between and we didn't end up going. My birthday was in November and anytime I make myself a Ramen bowl he complains and tries to joke that I didn't aunt to go on my birthday and every time he makes the joke I get annoyed because I always tell him I wanted to. Why keep bringing it up why not just take me? I understand what it's like to not drive or have a car so I don't want to make him feel like shit because of that but I just feel like I keep giving and giving with nothing in return. I don't want to submit to the stereotype that the man should buy the woman everything and drive her everywhere but I just want to feel like he actually wants to do things for me. Both of us are broke college students essentially but he always assumes I'll pay for something and even cheap things like fast food he rarely offers to pay for. But then he'll go buy weed and complain immediately that he's broke. And he'll think he's treating me on the rare occasions that he'll pay for fast food like no that's not treating me. I hate seeming like a spoiled brat but I've spent so much of the little money I have on him and it doesn't feel like he even appreciates it. And he'll always ask to borrow small amounts of money and never pay them back to me. I hate feeling like a pushover. And then, whenever he drives my car he always takes it upon himself to drive to the store when he needs something or drive to pick up something without even asking if I mind like it's his car, and then he wonders why I get annoyed whenever he does that no matter how many times I tell him!Sorry for the short essay but is there a way for me to talk to him about this in a way that wouldn't make him feel pathetic? I just feel like this is very unfair for me to be so giving and never tries to repay the favor. I'm getting exhausted.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (31 January 2017):
 You need to learn to say No! Really you do. I actually don't see what you get from this relationship. It looks like he is using you and you are letting him. Next time he asks for a lift say no, or to drive say no. If you are going to eat fast food pay your own. Never allow him to expect these things from you. He sounds lazy and selfish.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 January 2017):
 I think you (to a point) are enabling him in living this lazy-ass lifestyle where buying and smoking pot is more important than helping YOU with paying for gas and being considerate.
He is young so it's NOT totally surprising that he isn't thinking about anything BUT what HE wants and needs.
You haven't told him that HE needs to start pitching in with gas money? And that YOUR car is YOURS? If you haven't then HOW do you expect him to change?
And STOP letting him "borrow" money if he doesn't pay them back. It's OK to tell him no.
YOU need to learn to stand up for yourself.
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A
female
reader, Kajafoxie +, writes (28 January 2017):
Kajafoxie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, thanks everyone I needed to read this. This was the push I needed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2017): If my boyfriend literally did nothing for my birthday not even a card I'd go mad! It's not about money it's showing the person that you love that they are special to you.
Stop letting him take advantage of you, no more driving your car, no more giving him money! People will only treat you the way you let them treat you!
He is pathetic that is the problem
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (27 January 2017):
 Personally, I think taking drugs recreationally is pathetic or irresponsible, but to each their own.
You need to stop paying for anything for him, though. He won't change at all, but especially not if you keep doing everything for him.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (27 January 2017):
 I think you should have a talk and MAKE him feel pathetic.
You're giving him a free ride by paying for everything, if you want him to start paying for stuff, TELL HIM. He's not going to start offering because he's too used to you doing it.
Tell him to book his ideas up or you're gone. He's taking you for a mug, who gives a damn if you hurt his feelings, he needs to man up and start acting like a boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (27 January 2017):
 Why are you worried about his feelings when he obviously doesn't give a stuff about yours?
You are not being a spoiled brat. You are just being far too accommodating and nice to this man who thinks his money is his and your money & stuff is his too.
If you don't want him to take your car, keep your keys in your pocket or hide them where he can't find them. If he can't be bothered to replace fuel he uses, then he doesn't borrow the car. Simple.
As long as you carry on letting him take advantage of you, he will carry on doing it. Stop giving him money. He's not borrowing it; he is taking it. You KNOW he will not return it so why pretend he is borrowing it? Next time he asks, just say you can't afford to keep GIVING him money. Stop treating him. He is using you as a meal ticket.
Stand up for yourself and stop pussy footing around him for fear of hurting his feelings. He doesn't deserve that sort of consideration.
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