A
female
age
30-35,
*ittykat0220
writes:Okay so me and my boyfriend just got back together and things have gotten a lot better between us communication wise, now I'm starting to open up to him a lot more which makes him happy. Well once night we were talking and teasing and joking around. (We haven't haven't had sex yet from the first month we dated before and then now haven't had sex yet I kinda wanna go slow a little because of past experiences like I want to have sex with him, talk about it but I want to make sure it's not all he's about ya no?) Well we were joking around on the phone and I was teasing him telling him dirty stuff and he was like keep going because its gonna suck when ever you get use to it and then you have 9months without it. And at first it didn't click and I was like where you going for 9 months and he's like nowhere babe and I was like so why would you torture me with 9 months with out it and he's like think about it baby. And that's when it clicked. I was like are you trying to hit that 9 months or something and he's like whatever happens happens baby. Then he says he's not bringing it up no more but then times he makes the 9 months joke. I can't tell if he's joking or if he's trying to nonchalantly bring it up by playing it off as a joke. I definitely don't wanna bring up the fact I do wanna be a mom and find someone to settle down with and so on and so forth. I have a lot of things I'm sorting out and when I'm finished doing that he's brought up he wants me to come up there by him. I know he's serious about me living with him but I'm not sure if he's serious about the baby thing or just joking. And like I said I don't wanna bring up the fact I really wanna be a mom especially if he was only joking but I can't help but think he was just trying to play it off as a joke and he really means it.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 April 2013):
 Op, whether your bf is serious or just joking about the baby is not really relevant, what's relevant is what you think .
I know you say you want to have a baby some day, but, would you want to have it NOW ? Like, right now ? At such a young age ? with such a shaky relationship that has already failed once and now is in the process of being rebuilt, hopefully on better foundations ? Without having ever lived for a significant period of time with the wannabe dad ? Without having , I guess, a financial stability, the first steps in a career, a plan for your future ? Are you sure that he'd stick around, and , on the other hand, are you sure that you'd want him to stick around, and have something to do with him for the rest of your life, as your co-parent, even if you two break up ?
If you are not 100% convinced that you want ( and that you can afford ) a baby now, who cares what he means OP, -just don't let it happen.
What kind of silly statement is, " whatever happens happens ". It's not like being struck by lighting, if you don't want it to happen- you make sure it does not happen ! Why something should happen, if he uses condoms and you are on birth control ?....
I suppose you are not doing, and not willing to do either, and that's very very foolish and risky, OP. What if , what " happens " is that he puts on a vanishing act as soon as your pregnancy test comes back positive ? but, forget him, maybe he 'd love to be a dad- what about you ? Would you love to be a mom NOW ? Like, today ? ( actually, 9 months from today ). No ? Not quite yet ? Then use birth control !, and let him joke as much as he wants, let him do stand up comedy if he wants !
Oh btw- why does he think that pregnancy means no sex for 9 months ? Were did he get that from ? With individual exceptions of " bad "pregnancies with physical or psychological problems, there's no need or reason to abstain from sexual activity when you are expecting.
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