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age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 months now. We were practically best friends before we got together, we helped each other through everything and spoke all the time. We were like boyfriend and girlfriend without actually being together, so it wasn't a shock when we did finally get together, there was always something there. Anyway, before we got together I was always very independant, strong-willed, with my own opinions that I stuck to and I would always speak my mind. I love having a drink with my friends, just going out and having a laugh, he's insanely jelous and hates me doing it. He basically controls me, telling me what I can and can't do, and I do what he says because I love him and want to be with him. However, recently I've realised that I've lost my independance and therefore, lost a part of who I am. This makes me sad because I was depressed for a while and had only just got all that back before we got together, and I want it back now, but I want him too. He says he'll leave if I keep drinking (I only have a casual drink every few weeks with my friends), and I smoke but he knew that before we got together and now he moans about that. I want to do my own thing sometimes but he won't let me, what do I do? I lost my virginity to this boy, I love him so much. Also, if I don't drink, my friends call me boring and say "I'm under the thumb" I feel like I can't please anyone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2011): Alcohol and cigarettes may be detrimental to your health, but he has no right to control you. A drink out with friends is nothing for him to be jealous about. Try taking him along sometime. And if he doesn't quit it, leave. Being controlling counts as abuse.
A
male
reader, Dataluke  +, writes (6 March 2011):
 Whilst I do not recommend you drinking or smoking at your age, it is up to you what you do to your body.He has your best interests at heart but its not right for him to dictate what you can and can't do.Sit down and talk with him, ask him why he's so concerned about these things, try and understand why he feels that way. Then try and explain your stand point. See if you can reach a compromise.All the best, Dataluke
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (6 March 2011):
 hi it sounds to me like your boyfriend cares a lot for you too. he has a problem with you drinking and smoking? he is right to be concerned! firstly you are not old enough to do these things and secondly they are totally detrimental to your health - could even prove fatal (the smoking in your later life, the drinking any time) you say you have already had depression? drinking is gonna be the thing that makes this worse. alcohol is a known depressant, maybe it could even be this that is making you feel more withdrawn than you used to, but you can't recognise this and you are blaming your sad feelings on your boyfriend. cigarettes: did you know that these contain over FOUR THOUSAND chemicals? a lot of these are cancer causing and some of them are there to keep you addicted, sugar is an ingredient believe it or not (addictive effect)i strongly urge you to kick the smoking and drinking before they become long term and dangerous addictions.this lad is looking out for your best interests and health. maybe part of him believes he can save you from your self destructive behaviour, but be warned: his patience with you is likely to run out one day and he WILL walk and possibly find a girl who is more in tune with him. if you do not want this to happen, please start listening to him. he is more sensible than you and your friends who call you 'boring' if you don't drink.xx
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