A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm beginning to think I have issues with sexual repression. I can't bring myself to talk dirty with my guy by IM even though I want to do it to make him happy (he gets frustrated with me when I tell him I can't go there yet). Elaborate sexual fantasies make me uncomfortable. I don't enjoy reading porn or erotica, and visual porn is just gross. I do have a sex drive but it's kinda weird and shy, I don't get turned on very easily, and when I do, as soon as I start doing something to act on it (such as the dirty talk with my guy) it freaks out and disappears again. What is wrong with me and how can I fix this? My boyfriend has a crazy strong sex drive so I can see this being a big problem in the future. By the way, I'm 18.
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female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (6 March 2011):
 What interested me was that you referred to your sex drive as separate to yourself, as if it were a separate entity.
"I do have a sex drive but IT's kinda weird and shy, I don't get turned on very easily, and when I do, as soon as I start doing something to act on it (such as the dirty talk with my guy) IT freaks out and disappears again."
I don't know if that means anything exactly, but maybe it would help to think about it in a different way. What I mean is, your drive to have sex comes from inside yourself. YOU are in control of your sexuality. Yes there are many different factors than can affect a persons desire to have sex, but ultimatly only you can change it. It sounds like you don't fully understand or feel comfortable with yourself as a sexual being. You seem disconnected in a way from that side of yourself. You describe porn and erotica as gross. I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but to think of sexual things as "gross" or disgusting, I think is an immature attitude. You know, the way that young teenagers get embarraced by sex education, because they are not fully developed enough to understand their sexuality, because it hasn't developed yet.
You are still a young person, 18, so I wouldn't worry yet that you are sexually repressed. It could just be that you are a late bloomer so to speak. I couldn't say without knowing more about you. I think you need to do some reflecting about how you feel about sex. Think about those times when you have been turned on. What were the circumstances when you felt sexy and turned on. What happened that made those feelings disappear. If it was dirty talk, was there something particular that he said or the way he said it or his behaviour that turned you off? It coulod just be like angelDlite said and he could just be the wrong sexual partner for you or he could just be inexperienced and is going about seducing you in the wrong way for you. If he is coming on to strong and you are uncertain of your sexual self, this could be what is turning you off.
So take a deep breath. Give yourself some time to find out who you are sexually. Think about what turns you on and what doesn't. If dirty talk isn't doing it for you, that's ok. Everyone likes different things. If your boyfriend is coming on too strong and is getti ng frustrated, sit him down at a time when you are not being sexual, and tell him how you are feeling. Say that you are inexperienced and are unsure of what turns you on. tell him you are very attracted to him(so that he doesnt take it personally), and that you want to be able to find out what turns you on so that you can relax and enjoy having sex more. Tell him you do enjoy it when you do have it but because you are unsure of yourself you are finding it hard to just let go. Ask him if he will try new things with you to help you find out what you enjoy.
If you say this to him nicely and of he is a good guy he will be more than happy to do this for you. If you dont know what to try, maybe buy a book on different things you can do for some tips.
Just remember you ARE still young and it does take time for most people to fully relax and enjoy sex, especially women. So don't worry that there is something wrong with you. Just try to have fun with your boyfriend and see what happens.
Good luck
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (6 March 2011):
 hi not ALL guys are super confident and adventurous sexually either, so it sounds like you are just not with the right man. we are what we are and should not expect people to change their wants and likes just to fit in with you and they likewise should not expect you to change in order to fit with them.if you DO want to do this to please him though i think you should look firstly at what exactly it is that makes you afraid to do this, is it because you will feel silly or is it because you don't feel experienced enough to talk about and do such things? secondly tell him that you do not feel comfortable to do this 'on demand' and the more he goes on about the less it is likely that you will ever do it. things like this are better when presented as a surprise i think. take comfort in the fact that you are probably shy just coz you are young and inexperienced, you will probably get more confidence and become more adventurous as you get older
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