A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey,I recently got with this guy, he is absolutly gorgeous, i cant quite believe he is with me to be honest! We have been together 15months he likes a drink and sometimes gets quite drunk, he has pushed me a couple of times and got a bit spitefull with words but nothing to major.. He treats me like a princess and i feel so special when he cuddles me and tells me how much i mean to him. He is always sending me messages saying i love you and miss you. We live at my mums as we are saving for a mortgage.. Lately he has been really snappy with me and has been going to the pub allot more, he is drop dead gorgeous and all the girls in our area think he is hot, they have told me this themselves. I have started loosing my confidence a little as he is always in the lime light, he can be very loud and i tend to get pushed to the back while he talks to his mates. I am spending more time getting ready ensuring i look my best so people dont wonder whyhe is with me! He has started making comments like you have a fat bum or that i am a paronoid freek (when hes drunk) as sometimes he is out until late in the pub and when i say why do you spend all your time there he gets angry or tells me to fu*k off...I feel on edge when he drinks cause i know he might get angry or nastyor sometimes he can be really lovely. I guess my point is i feel cr*p at the moment cause lately he has started snapping at me, drinking more and i feel like he just does not want to be near me. When i try and talk to him he says i am over reacting and that he likes a beer after work or to unwind on a friday.. i am starting to get insecure with us, has he met someone eles is that why he is always in the pub so he can see someone eles there? Or is he loosing intereast in me? When he drinks we argue and he goes out to the pub all night,coming home late.. i sometimes get so stressed i have tight feelings in my chest, also i dread fridays as he finishes work early and is always half cut by the time i get in from work. My last boyfriend was nothing special and treated me like crap. But my boyfriend now when soaber treats me so special and always makes sure i have everything i need he is always affectionate,. UNTIL lately he has gone off sex, moans and tells me i go on, i feel like he does not take in what i am saying or value what i am saying. I have tried to explain his attitude lately and drinking has made me unhappy and he never seems to try and make things better. I just dont know what to do if i say lets go on a break i am scared i might loose him for good, i just want him to see how lucky he is to have me. I am get really down and keep crying he just does not understand. I love him so much please help.
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a break, confidence, drunk, I love you, insecure Reply to this Question
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female
reader, bluediamond325  +, writes (22 June 2008):
Look,
Love for us, is a lot different than for a man. We will literally LOVE a man to death... I mean... we always want to help, and everyone else has given up on them, and you don't want to be just like "those" people. But what you should know, is that "those" people, did it for a reason. I'm not bashing him, because I know... you LOVE him, but.... when he is drunk, if he is mistreating you... then obviously he has an addiction problem. YOU cannot cure or fix him... only he can, and right now... it doesn't sound like he wants to be "fixed." The only thing you can do is offer an ultimatum -
1. If you do not cut back on the drinking, and quit with the name calling,... you will not be allowed to come home.
2. If things escalate, then tell him... he has to chose, the bar.... or you???
Sounds cruel, but you have to protect yourself, you're worthwhile too... Don't keep making excuses for him. Excuses won't help him, it will only continue to help him into a downward spiral. And LOVE is hard, but you shouldn't have to be miserable to be in love... that's not real... it's too forced... and if that's the case, I know there is something better out there waiting for you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): I've been through exactly the same thing. I was with my x-boyfriend for 4 years In this time he was always going to the pub every weekend. I used to stay at home awake all night wondering where and what he was doing. It made me feel so sick, and i used to cry all night. My x-boyfriend is also good looking and charming all the girls would always be around him. He was always sweet to me letting me buy what ever i wanted, look after me. But that was his way of making me feel that he was a nice guy. But he treated me like crap always drinking and going out.
I never thought he would cheat on me. But later found out he had cheated on me a number of times. Stupidly i forgave him and stayed with him. Later on i moved out. Still to this day 2 years later i have been so affected by all of this.
I would say to you, that this is not the person you want to be with.He will make you feel like shit by bringing your confidence down.Its better to go your own way and know that your so much better than this guy.HE WONT CHANGE and you cant change him. As much as you probably love him, you have to let this go. It will only get harder if you stay with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): I agree with the above, I love my boyfriend but you cant make somebody want you, they have to want to be with you for you and not make nasty comments. You are worth more than that. My boyfriend has the same attuide and it breaks my heart to let him go, help to get help if not let him do this to somebody else because he will !!! And he wont change nobody ever does unless its on their own terms.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (6 November 2007):
 He maybe good looking and have all the girls drawling over him, but its not them that has to put up with his crap, its you. Please find the courage to dump this creep, who is nothing but a bully when drunk. Ask yourself this ,are you prepared to put up with a guy who pushes you and swears at you for the rest of your life? Or do you want a guy who loves you unconditionally and treats you like a princess 100% of the time and not just 50% of the time? There is an old proverb that goes, Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it seems his beauty is not skin deep but only on the surface. If you decide to stay with him, he will only bring you down to his level, find someone who is more sensitive to your feelings. I get the feeling that because you lost your virginity to him, you feel obliged to stay with him too.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (6 November 2007):
 I'm afraid you may be involved with an alcholic. Sweet when sober, a jerk when drunk. And drinking frequently and quite alot from the sounds of it. He uses alcohol as an escape and to cope with everyday demands including you. His personality changes after he's had a few drinks and he treats you differently as a result. You could try going with him to the pubs, which will help you keep an eye on him, so you're not wondering who he's with while he's there, but it won't change the fact that he tends to get a bit nasty after he's been drinking and could later become a bit violent too. I suggest you try talking to him when he's sober and in one of his sweet moods. But more than likely it's going to take much more than a few good talks to help him change this pattern. And it will be utter hell trying to convince him he has a problem if he doesn't see it that way. I wish I had better news for you. You sound like a wonderful girl and he's foolishly taking you for granted (as most alcoholics do) because as time continues, the drink will become more important to him than anything else and it usually takes professional help to break the cycle. What you decide to do is up to you but please don't stay if he continues to be abusive and especially if he crosses the line and starts hitting you -- it's time to go. Muster the courage, cry if you need to, but pack your bags and get out my love. It's not worth wasting your life away on someone who doesn't see his problems and be willing to get help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): No matter how good looking someone is if they are ugly inside it shows through and your boyfriend sounds like a selfish git. Its so unfair for him to make you feel rubbish about yourself when you clearly idolise him. I wouldn't give him the time of day if her swore at me or pushed me around. You are blinded by his charm, good looks and the fact that he does just enough to lead you to believe that he does care and that his behavior is normal.
Its not , you cherish him and he should cherish you to. You sound a bit scared of him and thats not right he shouldn't intimidate you like that. Talk to someone in your family or a friend. He may have an alcohol problem in which case you need help in confronting him don't do it alone if he scares you. I know you love him but looks aren't all that they don't last and you sound like a better person than he could ever be.
Never let someone get you down you have self worth and deserve happiness.
Hope this helps.
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