A
female
age
36-40,
*987
writes:My boyfriend very rarely kisses or hugs me. Well I only get them if I go up to him and give him them. We hardly ever have sex when we first met, we used to have a great sex life now we hardly have any sex. It seems to me that he just isn't botherd any more. Please help. My head's all over the place, I really love him and I tell him all the time, I know he loves me but he never says it. So my question is: Is my boyfriend going off me?
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female
reader, PrincessLexx +, writes (11 April 2008):
Hun, i think maybe try talking to him about it, because he maybe going through problems lately, and he has been unable to tell you?
talk it out with him and tell him honesty is the best policy
good luck hun
xx
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (22 March 2008):
 Go for it girl, you have all the right intentions so the rest is really up to him.
Look I just don't want you to stay in something if you feel you are getting nothing in return that's all.
Right now time will tell and if you are not asking the questions of love perhaps he will find a way to express himself. I know cultures are different and in non Western society the man does not get in touch with his emotions all the time and this could be just about the way he has been brought up so nothing can change if that is the case.
See if things change on whether he needs his friends around him or if they need his company more than he needs theirs.
You are creating an outside life for yourself which I think is healthy.
Good luck and you can chat to me any time OK.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, 1987 +, writes (21 March 2008):
1987 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRE; country woman
ive just had my hair all cut today n im also wearing it down. i fogot to say i do actually go to the gym ive only been going for 2 wks now.
and ive already stopped asking for kisses n telling him i love him.
thank you i rle dont wanna split up with him as this is true love n i dont think i cud live wiv out him. i just hope i can sort things out.
1987
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (20 March 2008):
Well it seems to me that he is just not noticing you enough and a little jealous or something when you go out as he just doesn't talk to you the next day, very strange a little like he is punishing you for going out. He can't have it both ways.
Yes back off as he will wonder why you have stopped asking him whether he loves you or not, this is your insecurity about the relationship and if he isn't the expressive type of guy then this could be why.
You say he often goes upstairs or is at the cash and carry or at the gym but you often work together at night time.
He does not see you as a voluptuous woman who dresses differently when there is alone time, I am not saying go all out after a hard day of work but yes do put your hair down if you have it up all day at work.
Perhaps have a quiet meal sometime.
Sounds to me though that there is competition for his time if his mates are always hanging around.
Do you tell him what sort of time you have when you go out or does he question you a lot about your time when you go out with your friends?
After trying these things for a while see how the land lies. Perhaps if he questions you about your time out clubbing - reverse it and don't tell him OR if he doesn't ask you just drop some things into the conversation like oh my friend whatever we had a great laugh last night etc, he then wonders what sort of time you have had.
If after all of that there are no changes and he prefers spending time with his mates than you then you seriously need to think about what is you want out of life as you are not his slave and right now you work for him and lots of hours so you are tied to him really and yes you get a reprieve either once a week or once a fortnight, not a lot of time really is it. Why don't you get out to the gym eh?
No one has to stay in a relationship if they are that unhappy as we all have choices in life but if you don't have anywhere else to go or live perhaps you feel a little trapped and cannot see a way out.
At the end of the day the choice really is down to you but try some of the changes I mentioned and wait and see if things change between you, however, it takes two to make things happen and if he doesn't make any effort you could be the one who ends up doing all the running and after a while that becomes very tiresome so don't try it forever but set a timescale in your own mind OK.
Take care and good luck.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, 1987 +, writes (20 March 2008):
1987 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioncountry woman:-
Yes i do c him everyday but i wudnt say i c him every min ov the day coz when im workin he's rather upstairs at cash n carry or the gym. but i do work wiv him on a nite.
i often go out clubbing with mates maybe 1nce a wk or 1nce every 2wks. i dont really have that much time to meself as im working alot ov hours.
he rearley goes out but his mates are always here. i was out on sunday nite n the next day he bearly talked to me.
i was speaking to him last nite n he said he loves me but he dont like me asking or telling him all the time.
do you think i shud give him sum space n lay off him 4 a while c if he cums to me?
i know that he aint the romantic kinda person i wud just like him to be more loving.
do you think i shud make more of an effort? wear my hair down more often?
thanks
1987
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (19 March 2008):
 Well, if nothing has happened (you haven't cheated on him, etc.) I wonder if either he is cheating on you or if yall's love life has become boring to him. Talk to him about it.
You have my condolences.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (19 March 2008):
Sweetheart if you work for him, how often do you see him is it every day?
Working and living with a partner can really change the way your life is? Believe me I know.
If you are spending your days and nights together when is their time for you to catch up with what is going on your separate lives? There is no separate lives as you are working and living together.
Do you ever get to go out with friends on your own?
Does he go out with his friends on his own?
I agree with the male anonymous writer, you do need to ignite some more passion into the situation but maybe spending an evening apart with your own friends from time to time could help to do that.
Have you ever done any role play or dressing up in the bedroom?
Think the first stages of your relationship have passed and domestic routine has set in which is very normal with a lot of relationships. Keeping the excitement alive in your relationship is the key, do you know what he gets excited about on a physical level?
Spending some quality time together and maybe cooking a nice meal with a bottle of wine (shouldn't be too hard to get as he has the off licence, lol), seduction can be a woman's greatest tool but she needs to know what her man is attracted to. Is it a woman who dresses well or does he like a racey outfit, I don't know as cultures are different but you get my drift eh!
Best of luck.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, 1987 +, writes (19 March 2008):
1987 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionive been seeing him for 1year and 6 months. hes kurdish i live with him n also work for him as he owns an offlicence. nothing as happened to make him be this way.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (19 March 2008):
This is a hard one to answer as you haven't said how long you have been together and more importantly if anything else is going on in your lives right now.
Has he had problems in his home life or do you live together?
Has he had any changes at work or stress at all?
There could be so many explanations as to his behaviour right now.
Have things changed in your life at all recently, have you changed jobs or had anything going on at work?
Is your boyfriend jealous of anyone around you i.e. any male friends of yours at all?
Some men don't always tell their girlfriends that they love them as they are not as expressive as women as a rule. He could be tired from work or has he got any problems at all - medical I mean? Have you asked him these things?
When was the last time that you had sex?
Was there anything at the last time that you had sex that didn't happen for you or him?
Sex lives do change after you settle into a routine with someone but it is hard to judge in your case as you don't clarify whether you live together or see one another twice a week or daily or what?
I will try to help and I am sure lots of other Aunts and Uncles will too but I think you need to give a little bit more information so that we can truly get a picture of what is going on right now in both your life and your boyfriends.
Don't automatically think it is something to do with you as it could be something completely different. Has your boyfriend lost a close relative recently?
There are numerous questions here so may be you might give us a little more to work on.
Take care and keep smiling eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): No he isn't going off you. You need to reignite your love life. There are countless books and internet articles on this. Do some research., then you will have him begging like a dog :-)
Good luck
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