A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have met my current boyfriend back in March 08, when I was on vacation. We ended up having a one-night-stand that then turned into a serious relationship. Since I lived quite far away, most of the time between March and now we've spent being in a long distance relationship. In the beginning of September we moved in together and now live with each other.My problem is his recreational drug use. You already know how a lot of guys in their early 20's like to drink and smoke cigs and sometimes weed and all that. I am aware of that, and I'm ok with it if it's every now and then. But I can't stand when people do it too often, because I know the effects it can have on them in the long run. Also, I do not agree with using anything that goes beyond smoking pot, for example Acid, Ecstasy, etc. It's just not me and it never will be. After a few months of us being together, he admitted to me that a few years ago, when he was in the military, he did a variation of drugs, but denied that he had anything like a drug problem. He told me that when he didnt like it anymore and it got too expensive, he just stopped and that it was easy for him to do so. I was very shocked, because it changed a lot of what I saw in him. I had known of his pot smoking but got over it after we agreed that he wouldn't do it around me. When he confessed all this, we had a long talk and I asked him clearly if he did any of these other drugs still, and he said NO. He then started crying and telling me that he was scared that all that he admitted to me would now change my perception and eventually my feelings for him, that he was tainted and maybe not good enough for me because I'm the "good girl", but that he wants to be with me because he sees that I'm the type of woman that is mature enough for a mature relationship. That conversation was around July.However, yesterday I did something bad. Since moving in together in this whole different area, he has found some new friends and some of them are a little suspect to me. It's not that they look like drug heads or anything, but it was just something that made me wonder what's going on. He has been sending texts back and forth with them. And eventually I got tempted to go through them. What I found was very shocking: In August, therefore AFTER the big conversation we had, he texted with a friend back in his old home about doing Acid, and it was obvious that he actually did or was at least open to it. And now my heart is torn apart. Not only did he lie to me, but he also seems to still be willing to use these drugs if he has the opportunity.What do I do now? I want to talk to him about it, because I don't know if I want to associate myself with someone that obviously has a completely different view on the whole topic compared to me, that is very important in my opinion. But If I confront him about it, I know I will be accused of going through his stuff which is unforgivable of course. I know it could cause more damage than there already is, and I don't want to risk the opportunity to actually talk about his problem.I am just so confused and really don't know what to do... I keep feeling guilty for doing what I did, but then again, why would he lie to me like that? He's 23 and it makes me so mad that he can't just grow up and stop being around these people and putting his life at risk. He's such an intelligent and talented person, and it just scares me when I think about what could become of him if he loses control.
View related questions:
drugs, long distance, military, moved in, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): I disagree with the anonymous reader who says that if it's only acid it's not going to be much of a problem. Read this link and decide for yourself:
http://www.healthunit.org/alcoholdrug/drugs/lsd.htm
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): hey, I am 15 and I am in part time drug re-hab. I was using acid, cocaine and ecstacy, not all at the same time but it's still bad. After a long hard night of partying, drug taking and drinking I was admitted to hospital after my nose started bleeding and I passed out. Becuase I mixed drugs and alchol it made the effects far to strong. I used to go to school high on acid or sometimes cocaine. I change for the worst when the affects wore of during school. I would either go mental and break shit of go into a deep depresoin and try to hurt myself.
I came within an intch of death after mixing alcohol and drugs. I was in hospital in a coma for three weeks then had to stay for test for another months until I had recovered enough to go home.
I believe you should confront your boyfriend about his drug use as it may end up killing him if he is not carefull. It is very easy to have a bad reaction to ecstacy. If he refuses to stop I don't think he is the right guy fir you. Don't let him make the same mistake that I did.
Hope this helps. Keep me posted.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008):
If it's only acid that he's doing, then I don't think it's going to be too much of a problem.
Acid isn't a drug that can really be taken often, and it isn't addictive.
It's like a rollercoaster in that you may like to do it occasionally, but it's not something you'd want to do every day.
It can appeal to more intelligent people for its 'mind opening' properties. I've never done it, but somebody that I know hasn't done it for years and genuinely misses the experience.
LSD gives the user a very profound intellectual experience, and this is what sets it apart from other recreational drugs.
If he's doing other drugs, especially heroin, meth or coke/ crack, then there is definitely a problem, but if he's just taking a trip every couple of years, then don't worry about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (23 October 2008):
 Go with your gut. You have a strong mind and you don't need to waste time getting emotionally hung up on someone who is going to drag you down with him. Before you invest anymore emotions on this guy, you need to step back. Maybe take a break from him. This will be a good indication of how he copes with stress and I'd be willing to bet he will turn to drugs and be zoned out of his brain if he even thinks you're leaving. Then you'll know it's time to pack your things and move on. Living with a druggie will suck the life out of you and your bank account. You cannot "fix" him no matter how much you love him. I admire you for knowing your mind and having some moral standards. You should never compromise those two things. Good luck Sweetie.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): First of all i appreciate for your courage of being with such a person.I don't tell you that he must be a bad guy if he takes these things but he himself is very helpless about that,believe me!It will be very difficult for him to come out from this drug addict. I'm not discouraging you but i know what it is.Do take a break from him for some while and if he realize what he is loosing he will do his level to regain you. And do love and affectionate him more if you can that may be help him to come out of his addiction.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): I wouldn't beat myself up over going through his stuff. You had a suspicion he was up to no good, and your fears were well founded it would seem.
If you really don't know what to do I can easily tell you. It's so simple you'll wonder why you never thopught of it yourself. YOU DUMP HIM! And fast.
He's got a drugs problem. Even cannabis will addle his brain in time, let alone acid. Acid 'flashbacks' can occur at any time. It stays in the body for a very long time. What if he's driving when he has one - with you in the passenger seat? And what about the kiddie crossing the road in front of him?
He's bad news, and he's not being honest with you. You have a completely different view on the subject to him - you said so yourself. Get out - or get him out - now while the going is good. How long will it be before he can't live without it, and can't afford it, and starts dealing the stuff to pay for his own habit?
I say again - dump him.
...............................
|
