A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Sometimes I feel like my boyfriend acts like my father... if we spend time apart, he will often ask a lot of questions. I think he worries about me more than he should, because he is insecure and because I am so much younger than him. If I go drinking without him, the question is "but you remember everything...right??" If I bring up a friend in conversation, especially if it's a boy, he will ask A LOT of questinos about them and might say something like "You've never mentioned this person before". Here's a funny one: I wore pants three days in a row (I almost never wear pants), and he asked me "Is something wrong? You NEVER wear pants.... is this because of the bruise on your leg?" Question after question after question.... about all kinds of things. I get up out of bed, and he asks me where I'm going. He asks me why I'm playing with my food. Who's texting me? Why am I texting so late? etc. it just makes me feel so nervous around him sometimes, like I might say the wrong thing and make him worry more. Sometimes it's not the question itself, but the way he says it, like asking me what I was up to this weekend. He often gets "feelings" that something is off. He has asked me if I am seeing someone else five or six times in the 6 or 7 months we've been seeing one another. Once it was because I had a bruise on my arm, and another time because I went to the bar with a couple guys and one girl. To be fair, I was seeing someone else early on in our relationship. Since my bf is older (13 years older), I assumed he only wanted to be with me for sex. After things got serious, I broke things off with the other guy. I told him about this a month or two after the fact, and I think it has added to his paranoia.What can I do to rebuild his trust in me? Is he being too controlling? He doesn't call me a lot or anything, but he asks a lot of questions when we see each other, which is every other day. He has never "banned" me from doing anything exactly. Thank you for any advice you might have!
View related questions:
insecure, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2012): I would get out of this realtionship. He is controlling and insecure and that is not a combination you want to get involved in.
Just coming out of a relationship like this myself I would definitetly caution against moving forward or investing yourself in this to avoid creating a bitter and painful situation later.
Don't waste your time trying to convince him you're not up to anything. It's physically and emotionally draining.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (30 May 2012):
Asking questions isn’t itself controlling, it’s normal to take an interest in what your partner has been doing. But the sheer amount of questions he asks is a little worrying, and if he’s asking you if you’re seeing some-one else roughly once a month that really is not good at all. Is he being controlling or insecure? I suspect that he’s being controlling because he’s insecure. The age gap, the fact that you were seeing some-one else in the beginning, the fact that he didn’t know this in the beginning, and maybe his past experiences could all be contributing to this but it’s unacceptable and you shouldn’t put up with it. If you do want to make this relationship work, you need to tell him in a nice way that, whether he means to or not, you find the barrage of questions stifling. Tell him that you are concerned that he doesn’t trust you, and what he could do to prove to you that he does. Tell him how you would like things to change, and that he must stop asking you if you’re seeing some-one else. Tell him that he has to draw a line under the past, that you want to be exclusive with him and he needs to accept that. Also, keep in your mind a time scale. How long are you prepared to wait for him to change? You don’t want to string this out for years waiting for him to change, if he doesn’t do so. Also, what will you do after that time is up? Hopefully you can work together on making changes in this relationship to make it better, but you do need to think about whether you could stay in this relationship as it is now or not, in case he’s unwilling to change his ways.I wish you all the very best.
...............................
|
