A
female
age
41-50,
*risstin
writes:Hi Thanks all of your time. Dear AllI with my BF have been together around 3 years. We are stay together about 2 years, He is a Swiss guy (from Switzerland), and I am Asian girl (Chinese).We were break up with 2 month+ ago. I was confused and think that is my boyfriend lie to me or cheating me? I need some advice. 5 month ago I go back with my Boyfriend to his country (Switzerland), the first day, he do not want to come to bed with me. So I was thinking is ok for me, because he say he was working at the computer and chit chat with the family. So I believe him. Because since he is enjoy with his family, I think is nothing wrong.The second day, he again also say he is working. And also no time come to bed. He comes late. And the third day, he have to go wedding shower for his brother-in-law. So I cannot follow it. I have to stay at home.The day is was a reason why we break up today. He let me to use his computer to call my parent. And I do not know how to use the new version of massager, and the time he already go out to shower wedding. So I trying to click and find how to use. Was unlucky I accident found he was chatting with the girl (ex-GF) some sexy word, and he lie he is working for only scan one of the paper? After I calm down and think every night, he says he busy at work since when we are in Asian country until now already around one year, he always say tired and busy at work, cannot sleep early. After I call him want to know why he wants to lie. He is angry, and scolds me says he really working. He told me he will show evidence he is really working. But I wait until the night, he don’t want to come back. He just gives me a reason and off the phone say because he drink one cup of beer, and cannot drive on the road. After I back to Asian, and he still in Switzerland, I feel he always try to don’t tell me about the girl, when we talk about this girl, he will scold me first. When each time I call him, he will say cannot talk. He with this friend or his sister cannot talk or he has to go to kitchen and talk. Bla….. bla…..So I am back to Asian. I am hurt, I think he is lie, and I try wanting to know her, my BF reject, some more told me in this life, I will never ever to know her. After I am hurt and I talk to my friend. They wish to help me to contact her. But I was scare if I call her. She would be complaint to my BF, I decide don’t call. Few days after my friend call her, and she is insulting my friend. Because my friend ask her who is she. And she is hiding all the issue. And she let my BF know, and my BF want to break up with me and say sorry to her, and have to write a apologies letter to her and him and with the commercial of oaths prove or lawyer letter to her. Because my friend call her? My friend told me he have been just help try to call her why she always ask my BF buy a gift and call my bf and make me sad. And my BF just don’t care, he just want me to apologies to her with the official letter. The worse is my BF says is me disturb her (ex-gf) and his life. And in the letter to say I do badly to her (ex-GF) and me make a plain call to her (ex-GF). But I have no done this, but he wants me to say is me does it. And is me put her name on the face book. I was giving up. I told him, not me. Not me. Even all the lawyers I go with him to ask also say ask you BF go to fuck off. Because he is putting the trouble for me. And he keep ask me to give her a passport number or any official of my to her and him.He told me if I give an apologies letter to her (ex-gf) say my friend is call her (ex-gf) to check who is she and he will love me again. After he told me again. If I give the letter, he will not sure he will love me or not. after he say again he will forgive me and love me and give me a chance, when I give the letter, he say he need time to forgive me and also have to wait the (EX-girlfriend) to see whether she forgive me and my friend or not. After I write an apologies letter, and he still say he cannot be with me. Above the issue, I need to know is my Boyfriend is finding a reason to break up with me? He is finding a reason to break up with me?He just wants the letter?Is that true drink one beer already cannot drive in the Europe country?Is that true he with the girl really just a friendship?Is my Boyfriend play play with me?I wish to know he is a nice guy? because he told me he is very gentlemen and nice . is he lie me?Please help and give me a advise.thanks very much.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009): Here's what I understand from your posting:
a) You saw that "he was chatting with the girl (ex-GF) some sexy word" and you don't think that is OK.
b) From his reaction, he thinks his actions are OK. He is angry with you about it and thinks you should apologize to his ex-girlfriend.
c) You should not have allowed your friend to phone her. It is not the ex-girlfriend's problem, it is your problem with your boyfriend. However, he doesn't understand your concerns.
d) When you are with him in his country, he wants to continue living his life as if you weren't there, and he thinks it's ok for you to sit at home and wait for him.
I don't think this relationship has a future, except for more fighting and anger. Find someone else who is more honest and wants to spend time with you.
(By the way I am a Western female and I lived in Asia for 4 years. During that time I have seen many, many examples of Western men who are not nice to Asian girlfriends. Unfortunately.)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): First of all never trust a guy that tells you hes nice and a gentleman. They rarely are if they have to tell you. You dont have to give him a letter. So dont write any more letters to the woman. It sounds as if hes seeing her behind your back. Dont give anyone your passort number, im not sure why hes asking for that but dont give out. Hes playing around with you. No decent man is going to blackmail you into writing letters of apology for something you didnt even do, just to make their `ex` happy. Hes not to be trusted, dont waste anymore of your time on him. And ive asked a friend who stays in Switzerland 4 or 5 times a year and you can have one glass of beer if its under a pint and still drive.
This guy is trying to get rid of you by being difficult and unloving, give it up my dear.
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A
female
reader, lola29  +, writes (14 December 2009):
This must be very confusing for you, but i think he's just playing around with you, if he really did love you, he would've shared every opportunity with you, where ever he was. Dump him and you deserve better. Let him know you're not there to just be his trophy girlfriend. I can see that you tend to defend him, yet deep down you do know he's lying. It's called womens intuition. If you feel it, and with the way he's reacting towards all this. It's very obvious he can't be a man and leave you and tell you the truth.
Please leave him. He's so dumb to say he'd love you again if you said sorry to him and his ex.
who cares about his ex, you shouldn't, and for him to say he'd love you again?! he should alwyas love you no matter what. go date some one who would care for you. you obviously cared for him alot, and he didn't appreciate.
take care and goodluck
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