A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:MY BF is a dance instructor. I used to dance in his class as a student. Now this other dance teacher took over his class who is male. My BF puts this guy down at every turn in front of me. Not sure why. Says the guy thinks he's all that but he isn't, that he thinks he's good but really isn't. That he is controlling. He said he isn't very bright. That he is anal. Came out and called him an idiot. They used to be friends but I sense more tension there than before.He said to me that he noticed he danced with another lady and not me in class. Then asked if I am upset I did not get my (I'll call him Antonio) Antonio fix. I said why would I care about that? He said well he always dances with you but he danced with another girl in class. One time my BF actually came into the class and started instructing while the other guy was teaching and asked ME to follow HIM. This behaviour seems to have started since the other instructor took over my BF's class. My BF has another job and had to give up his Friday class but still has two more.Honestly, I could care less about "Antonio". I have eyes for my BF only. Why would he say all this stuff? Act this way? I met my BF while I was his student. I wonder if he thinks I will fall for this other guy the same way? Does he not trust me?I find women are catty. But when guys put other guys down, there must be a reason.Can you give me some advice on how to deal with it?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 May 2015):
 Funny that you mention that you find women catty. Some men can get into territorial mode, like dogs, when they feel their female is at risk of being taken by another handsome dog. Like Honeypie points out, "pissing on his territory" is indeed lame, and typical dog behavior.You say that they were friends at one time but that tension has entered the relationship. Your boyfriend has said some very insulting things about Antonio and has been outright rude in his class. Your boyfriend's behavior is, well, immature. Either ignore him, or if this is really bothering you, call him on his rude and snotty words and behavior. I'd say something like, "my dear, I've noticed that you are being disrespectful and rude to Antonio and frankly, it doesn't make you look good. I think of you as a good guy and your snotty words and rude comments and the hijacking of his class make me lose some respect for you. Is there some reason I don't know that you are acting like this about Antonio?"If it is jealousy, and he's acting this way, well, that's a sign of immaturity and insecurity. That type of behavior is not the hallmark of a man who is secure. It's unhealthy for the relationship, because you'll be constantly checked by him for contact with other men. You're old enough to have a mature and adult relationship with a mature and adult man. Maybe your boyfriend has finally shown his true colors? That he's an insecure man who behaves abominably when he feels threatened. Yuck. I'd talk to him and see if he can explain himself.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 May 2015):
 I DO think he is a little insecure and jealous of Anthonio. And yes, it can be in part because he met YOU through dance class.
Instructors can have quite the ego when it comes to their "craft". I remember having a kick boxing instructor who's GF was in the class and when he had a replacement instructor while he was out for some surgery he would come in and sit and EYEBALL the new instructor. (who was actually better than him at teaching) His GF eventually left the class because her BF didn't "like" the replacement. I think something similar went on like with you and your BF. However I would NOT leave the class. I would sit your BF down and tell him that you are NOT interested in Antonio, but that you are NOT giving up on your class and that he needs to RESPECT that.
As long as Antonio is OK with him coming into the class and acting like an ass, I'd otherwise IGNORE this behavior.
The whole "pissing on his territory" is well, lame.
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