A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I lived with my bf for a year.. He's from Iraq and I am from South America but we both live in United States. I discovered some pics on Facebook about him and a baby which I asked and he said it is his nephew..after that like 3 months after a woman from Iraq contacted me and told me she is his wife and mother of his son but they are not together due several problems and she has a full custody of the child. She told me she still loves him and waits for him to come Iraq. I was devastated. I asked him all this and still he denied in my face. I called his sister and I couldn't talk to her instead I talked to her husband who told me the truth. I confronted him later that day and the only thing that he said was yes, ok, I have family.. Then he proceed to tell me about the problems there and why he didn't tell me and so so.. I took 2 weeks off and I left the country without telling him and I was in so much pain and I cried a lot. We spoke couple of times and he beg me to come back. I did and he beg me and told me he didn't want to hurt me that's why he hide this from me.. I told my family they told me to give him a second chance.. Which I did. One night at 2 am I heard his phone and it was that woman texting and calling from Iraq, I read the text all what she says is please forgive me, please come back to me and we can make it right...it was unknown number and I answered and she got crazy and started to yelling me so he was asleep and I told him " hey you have a phone call" and he was shocked when he realize I pick up the phone they started to arguing back and forth and she cried and he told her to please let me alone, do no contact me anymore, he said to her I am in love with this woman and I can't wait to divorce you and the discussion last for hours. We are still together after all this drama, one side of myself says he's real and wants to be with me, the other side says he's using me and he will get back with the mother of his child. They don't see each other for 4 years. And she still message me saying that she's hurt but she understand he loves me and wants to be with me and his family told her that he wants to marry me once he divorce her legally. How come I can cope with all this feelings of insecurity and sadness?I can't trust him anymore but yet I am still with him.. This is so painful and I need help and I don't know what to do..
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2015): You know first-hand exactly what a reprehensible lowlife he is, but since he's now telling you what to hear you're willing to let your ego and vanity overrule your good judgement and common decency. If you stay with him, and sadly I suspect you will, then it's only going to get worse. He now knows he can do exactly as he pleases while treating you with abject contempt because all he has to do is beg and plead and make excuses and offer false promises and you'll let his abhorrent behavior toward you slide. What should you do? Muster up some pride, dignity and self-esteem. Men can't disrespect women who respect themselves. What WILL you do? That's up to you. But if he's been able to sweet-talk you into being an emotional basket-case then well-intentioned advice from Internet strangers isn't going to change anything.I respectfully suggest you seek professional counseling. You've fallen under the spell of a charming manipulative sociopath who knows what buttons to push to bend you to his will, and as things stand you are incapable of breaking free on your own.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 May 2015):
 Soooo..... you have a "boyfriend" who is a DOG... who has a wife and child.... and YOU can't figure out how to end things with him?????
Try this: "Hunchy-bunchy, from Iraq.... I now know that you are a DOG... don't give a damn about ME (never mind that poor girl who thinks she is your wife and the Mother of your child).... but I CAN'T BE a dog, like you... so, please leave my side... and NEVER come near me... or contact me, again"
That should give him a clear signal....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 May 2015):
 Do you have any friends or family near you? You should not be living with this man any longer. He's a liar and for me, his big betrayal is how he's treating his CHILD.
Move out, go live with friends or family, get away from him. This guy is a class A creep and you do not need him in your life one moment longer.
Be more careful before moving in with a man in the future, do background checks and get to know his family and friends before you embark on life together.
Reach deep down in yourself and find your anger, harness that anger and use it to propel you into positive action for yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2015): That's why I say I need help. I wish I can be strong like before I was.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 May 2015):
 Why waste ANY more time on this guy? So he wants to marry you... or so he says, but your RELATIONSHIP of JUST one year is BASED on lies from his end. ALL lies.
No one lies about having a child or wife, unless they DO it on purpose.
I remember you last post... Why are you still with him?
Even if he marries you... you still can't trust him. A ring on your finger and a vow means nothing to him, after all LOOK at how he treats his LEGAL wife?
Let him go, cut it off. MOVE on.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (28 May 2015):
 Reading your question saddened me...This isn't an easy situation at all. In my humble opinion, move on. This man lied to you about having a baby, his son, his very own flesh and blood. That's a HUGE red flag to me. Even when you faced him knowing the truth, he kept on lying and denying. Yes, he may want to be with you and yes, he may have told his family and his wife but it doesn't change the fact that the foundation of the relationship came from lies.If he had explained the situation to you, that would have shown a lot more respect and trust on his part. As your husband, he would further hide things from you to keep from "hurting you" and being in a relationship with you while things have not been resolved with his former marriage is very wrong of him. This is obviously draining for you. Honey, without trust, everything will fall into pieces. Don't put yourself through that! He had the chance to be honest with you and show a sense of maturity and respect but he's lost it. Trust me, you will not be happy with him. It is better to try your best and move on. I wish you all the best.
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