A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Am I over reacting or what? My boyfriend has an older lady friend who stays at our house quite frequently, helps us out a lot. They've been friends longer than I've been around and she's like 20 years older than him so I never thought twice about leaving them alone together, whether overnight or going out of town together, I didn't think he would screw around with an chick her age but then tonight, after trusting her this whole time, I find a message on her phone from him where he says, "Don't you want to know what it's like? This may be our only chance. Btw, I sleep in the nude. Come back here." This msg was from Sept. I was out of town at my dad's house because we had been fighting a lot.I just confronted them both, (because what do ya know, she's staying with us now too) she said, "oh that's a joke, hahaha". He denied ever joking about having sex with her- "ever". Well, I think the way he worded the message, says it all. There is no room for interpretation in my eyes. He says I'm over reacting, and then tells me, "It's never happened so quit freaking out:". What!? She's here all the time! I want her gone and I don't feel like I can trust him anymore. Am I freaking out for nothing, I feel so stupid.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 October 2012):
 never discount a person because of their age... many guys actually like us older women...
I think that there is some hanky panky going on with them. And I seriously doubt you will ever trust them alone together again.
don't feel stupid. you were very trusting and probably had no reason to doubt him... sadly now you will doubt everyone...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2012): I must be stupid then because I was hoping someone would tell me that they could be joking around and I could be over reacting. I'm crushed by your answers actually. Especially you annoymous male. You're not very nice. But hell, I'm disfunctional after all. Thanks for your responses anyway. I think I'm going to go cry now.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (30 October 2012):
 I am going to side with the other answerers on this one. Yeah, more than likely he has been cheating on you. Either this has been an ongoing thing or it was a fling while you were away, but I think it is very clear as to what is going on: you were away and he figured he could have sex with her. Whether he thought you were on a break or not, he took advantage of the situation.
Finally, I suspect she left that message on her phone in hopes that you would find it so that you'd get out of the picture.
Also, from a man's perspective: Don't let a woman's age fool you into thinking he has no interest. If a woman is sexually viable, most guys will at least have cursory interest.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (29 October 2012):
 I've seen this type of situation more then once, and in all cases, there has been cheating going on. A member of the opposite sex in introduced into the relationship, under the guise of friendship - Allowing the other partner to become comfortable with them being around - Completely oblivious to the affair going on right under their nose.
Don't allow him to make you feel stupid for having your suspicions. Tell him that if there is nothing going on between them, then he should have no problem asking her to leave. If she wont leave, then you leave and let her have him. If she doesn't have the moral conscience to understand that she is causing problem between you and your boyfriend, then she deserves the cheating man - But you don't, you can do much better.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (29 October 2012):
 Hi
The fact you felt the need to pick up her phone and check her messages shows you MUST have had your doubts about them, regardless of her age.
What more proof do you need, you saw the message with your own eyes? Ofcourse they will deny it.
You need to end this relationship, leave the 2 of them too it,why on earth would you stick around to be made a fool of. Have some pride and self respect.They deserve each other.You deserve better.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2012): "Am I freaking out for nothing"
No, 99.9% possibility that he's been banging her under your nose all along.
"I feel so stupid."
You are not a stupid person, you are an otherwise not stupid person behaving stupidly by not trusting your own judgement, instead insisting on "confronting" disrespectful boyfriend and letting him further disrespect you by insulting your intelligence, further disrespecting yourself by NOT being insulted and therefore behaving stupidly.
He's a loser, but all he has to do to string you along is butter you up with insincere compliments, feigned interest, and false promises strictly intended to stroke your ego and fluff your vanity, so when he does disrepect you by insulting your intelligence, you have too little respect for yourself to be insulted.
Boyfriend's not the problem, YOU are. Please seek counselling to get the help, information, support and knowledge that you need to break the cycle of dysfunction.
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