A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi I would really appreciate some objective opinions/advice. My daughter is 21 and she often walks around the house in low cut tops/scantily clad. She is a v pretty girls who gets lots of attention and is naturally quite joky and flirty. My partner of 7 years and her have always had a joky relationship and we've chatted and joked quite openly about various things including relationships etc. He and I split up a few months ago but stayed in touch and might be getting back together and he came round over Christmas and brought up presents etc and seemed to be happy in a good mood etc .. My question is regarding my daughter. She was wearing some union jack novelty knickers and her jeans had slipped down and she was wearing a very lot cut top. We have all spent time together including family holidays with his son and all of us wearing beachwear etc so it's not an issue as such but i did feel a bit uncomfortable and would have preferred if she covered up a bit. Anyhow later, she told me that whilst I was next door in the kitchen she had bent down in front of him to pick up her laptop and she turned round and saw him smiling and he said to her jokingly 'is that your flag for the troops'? as a joke. She is now saying she felt uncomfortable but I am certain I know him well enough to know he is not a pervert and this is generally his sort of humour - ie the type of joke he would make even if his son was wearing boxer shorts for example. A bit later, she was mucking about with a tampon in front of us both - I had bought some new type of tampon and the box was on the side and she took one out. She is now saying she thinks he was inappropriate and sometimes his 'jokes' are a bit ill placed i must adnit.However I did point out to her that if she is walking about scantily clad and making tampon jokes he may just still feel comfortable joking and I was kind of amused at the union jack knickers myself I must say. I am confident that he was not perving at her but my other daughter who is says that i am just being blinded by affection for him. He is a policeman and does have a fairly basic sense of humour and it is the sort of banter joke he would make and I really don't have the feeling that he was hitting on her and I don't want to have another big argument about something unnecessarily. Also my daughter was talking openly about her boss flirting with customers and dressing up in stockings n suspenders for Christmas etc etc .. and everyone was joking about it .. does this sound like just an innocent joke within the general atmosphere/banter?? or should i be worried that he fancies my daughter?? she said she felt uncomfortable. He does tend to have a cheeky smile on his face generally when making ANY joke so him smiling is not an indication of anything other than he was amused and the whold family know sthis about him and we have all told him off in the past sometimes, including his son, for sometimes making ill times jokes which are not actually alawys that funny! Thanks very much for any help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): Your daughter needs to learn how to behave appropriately. Tampons, knickers showing, bending down in front of a man who't not really her dad... She needs to learn her boundaries, not just at home but anywhere else as well. the other day a mom was checking about the appropriateness of her daugher learning to masturbate. And the best response and one that most people agreed with was about privacy. Some things are okay in the bathroom or your bedroom. Some things are okay amongst friends or on the beach. But yes, certainly you should keep an eye on him and invite a conversation with your daughters. They may be angry with him but its very, very dangerous to discuss general discomfort without any basis in fact.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): Hi Celiaaletta - thanks for your reply. He does have a bit of a 'blokey' type sense of humour and my daughters are peeved with him for upsetting me during arguments when he has taken out his stress (re his ex wife - they had a nasty divorce yrs ago and he is still angry that he had to give her half his pension etc) on me so although we are all trying to get along he is not overall best in their good books but given that we have all been on holiday in the past together, including with his son and everyone has walked around dressed in shorts, him in his boxers, in a family way, i really don't think he was being lewd - he seemed to slip back into the comfortable family way when he was here, ie going to the kitchen to get some cake and a drink (which is fine - np - but just shows he still feels comfortable here). He turned up with presents for everyone and seemed relaxed but he does get annoyed with my daughter's choice of boyfriend cos she tends to go out with guys who are nice enough but either unemployed or a bit lazy ... and she herself is at university and working hard etc .. so they wondered if he was jealous about her but i think he is just being protective because it's not only him but also myself and my parents and her own sister, who feel she could choice more suitable boyfriends ... sorry for the long post, just thought it might give a little bit of extra context. Thanks x
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