A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im 24, he is 35. We have been dating for 5 months and moved in together 2 months ago. The first few months we had sex just about every day; it was really good and lasted a while. We often tried different positions and kept it fun.For about a month and a half, sex has dwindled to about 2 times a week. It lasts about 5 minutes because after i "go", he asks, "can I go yet?"I have brought this up many times, "why don't you have sex with me as much?" and it's usually a different excuse:"Im always too tired after work""you complain too much about not getting it""im too stressed"Our lives and schedules have not changed at all since we've been together, and when he tells me hes too tired after work, I know it's bull because he goes for a jog or bike ride almost every day, or if he doesn't he sits in front of the tv, or talks to one of his friends one the phone. I have also gone 2 weeks without complaining about the lack of sex and still don't get any more, so it's not because I complain.I cook him dinner every night, make his lunch every morning at 5:30, give him a back rub just about every day and make sure when I greet him out of work I look put together and happy.Every time I bring it up now, it is always an inconvenience for him; it's either too late to talk about it, too early, or at a time when he wants to get something done (he usually says this one, then never ends up actually doing anything).He says my big problem with the lack of sex is not a priority for him- in fact he has said this about the emotional side of our relationship as well. His priority is work, and saving money. I cant bring up anything at all to do with "us" because there is always an excuse, or the blame is all put on me. He makes comments every single day about girls on tv, "shes hott", "she looks like fun", "I love professional dancers backs" (dancing with the stars), "that girl has some cleavage", "look at her boobs"...its every day.I am fit, I don't consider myself unattractive by any means.Every day, I try flirting with him, and I think when he sees where its going he quickly finds something else he "has to do".Let me also mention that he claims to have been with 25-30 women. He has also stated that his last girlfriend (almost 8 years ago) "neeeeded sex all the time". Any advise? I am at the end of my rope!
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male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (15 April 2009):
 I just want to chime in again and say that Annalisa has given you a great answer here. You definitely need to get him to open up and talk to you straight about this.She also has a great point that he may just need a little more personal space than you have been giving him and is pushing you away just because he doesn't know what else to do. Like Annalisa says, you might need to reach a compromise with him so that you both can get what you need out of this relationship. However, you two can't reach a compromise without discussing this with each other. However, I think the snide comments about other women being hot and fun are a bit much. He really needs to stop that. Its okay for us to think other people are attractive, but we don't need to rub it in our partner's faces.
A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (15 April 2009):
He's definitely sending up some red flags here. Sometimes when guys throw their all into the beggining of a relationship, they let other things get pushed aside. This happens to me in my relationships. When we try to focus on those other things to get them back to where they need to be, our relationships can suffer a little bit. When our mates push us to put our focus back on the relationship, we can start to feel pressured or cluastrophobic and want to focus even less on the relationship. In this case the best thing to do is give us some space. Usually, we'll notice something missing after a while and start nurturing the relationship again. However, I don't know if this is what is going on here.Its possible that he's getting bored with the relationship and he's actively actively pulling away from you both emotionally and physically. The fact that he keeps pointing out other women tells me he the starting to want some more variety. Verbalizing it to you seems inappropriate to me, and I think he's setting you up for the "I think we need a break" talk. If he's really been with 25 to 30 women, then he is certainly used to moving from one girl to the next. It seems to me he's getting ready to move on to the next pasture. I mean c'mon, the man is 35 and hasn't had a relationship in 8 years. He probably enjoys being single and having multiple partners more than being in a committed relationship. My ex started acting like this a couple months before we decided to break up. Maybe he's just slowing things down and getting ready to end the relationship.
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