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male
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anonymous
writes: as brief as i can, me and my gf are 19.we met last november and started a relationship.we fell in love and things were good.we had arguments but we were happy.we started to take each other for granted and the relationship started to feel the strain.she s a very good looking girl, a model in fact and so she gets alot of male attention.after we had been together about 7 months this good looking 24 year old guy started making advances on her.i told her it made me uncomfortable her having any sort of relationship with him as i knew his intentions but she assured me it was nothing.she told me she wouldnt speak to him again.for the next month she spoke to him in secret and even met up with him, assuring me when i found out that they were just friends.i was very insecure after all this and upset that she had been lying to me.the relationship was weak at this point, but i still loved her.now the next week i made a mistake.i went out and got very drunk and kissed a girl on two seperate occasions.my gf found out and we split.i instantly regretted it and spent the next month and a half trying to get her back.over this month we came to an agreement that we wouldnt see any other people and basically remain exclusive.she stayed at my house at least once a week, i took her for nights out meals etc, and we had sex a few times.all in all i thought that it was meerly a case of waiting for her to cool down so we could really make a go of things.about two weeks ago however i found out she had within a week or two of splitting with me, begun to meet and have sex with the 24 year old.apparently they met about 6 times over the month and had sex about 4 i dont know how accurate this is.it destroyed me.for the next 10 days i didnt eat sleep or drink all i could do was cry.it literally broke my heart and changed me.when i found out, her and the guy broke it off, im not sure who made the decision, but they decided not to see each other any more.recently i ve stopped crying and have started to assess what i want.my ex gf is now making sounds that she wouldnt mind trying to have a go at our relationship again, and part of me really really wants this.i loved her, she s beautiful to me and fun.but part of me is scared of getting burned and also anxious that she s just using me as a safe options and something to do as the man she really wanted doesnt want her.id love any advice, what should i do,thank you for all help x
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2006): Of all the years I've tried being in a relationship with women, I learned to just let them go do what they want to do. If they do something that hurts me, I'll question it, reflect and move on. If they continue to show me that I am indeed able to trust them, then great - no amount of distance can separate us.
To me, everything in this world is a test. If I am together with someone, and some hot, chiselled guy with a gorgeous herculean smile, beautiful wavy brown hair, and a 6 pack to die for starts macking on my girl, what am I going to do? I'll stand there with her and let him flirt with her. If she smiles, blushes, and even giggles back, it can't be helped. It's a natural human-thing to do in front of gorgeous people.
If she flirts back, and completely ignores me, I might give her a chance to make it up to me, but if she totally ignores my emotions, repeatedly, and allows him to go out with her, without me, etc - basically being inconsiderate of me, then the test result would tell me that our relationship wasn't strong enough in the first place. Possibly even that she isn't my type all along.
I might cry, ball my eyes out, get drunk for a couple of nights, vent, rant to my friends, mountain bike my ass off, then cool down, reflect, and move on. Ultimately, it's all about you. If you can't live life without someone else to share that life with you, then you are a hopeless pathetic person. Go join a religion. It might help you. However, if you wish to stop crying so damn much, find your core, build its foundations, build up your self-esteem, meditate on your personal ambitions, work towards that, and whatever external forces that come your way, either brush it aside or accept them as a complementary subject, rather than a primary 'can't-live-without' matter.
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