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female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I would really like to know what you guys think of my situation because I am very confused and just don't know how to figure out what to think.I'm 27 and started dating this guy who's 23 back in October. After a couple of dates (a week later) he told me that he has to prepare for the GMAT so he can't give me a lot of time and would I be prepared to wait. So I said that I would. Another week later we had a fight because he said I was calling him too much, which I really wasn't because I had only called him once in two days. But he was the type who thought texting was talking too. Anyway I took offense to him saying that I was nagging him n things like that and I told him I didn't want us to see each other anymore. He really wanted to make amends and he did and I forgave him. After another 10 days he was done with his GMAT. A few days later we were hanging out and I said that if we didn't see this going anywhere then we really shouldn't bother with it. It really got him thinking and he said that he didn't want to hurt me, which, he said, he normally doesn't really think about. We ended it. We were still in touch and another week later we sort of decided that we had given up too easily because who knows what the future holds so let's give it another shot. We did. 5 days later he said that he couldn't give me the serious relationship that he knew I was looking for because he wasn't ready to commit yet. I said I completely understood and that that was fine and he really shouldn't have to make such a big decision right now. We ended it.A couple weeks passed. We were still in touch, flirting a little bit here and there. At the end of November I went to Europe for a vacation and while I was there we kept in touch through emails and texts. He asked me what I was doing for Christmas. I said nothing, really, because we don't celebrate it. So he invited me over to his place. (He lives with his parents.) The attendees are his parents, his brother, his aunt, uncles, grandparents, cousins. In short, only family. On top of that, he said that he wants me to get his brother to like me because his brother's approval means a lot to him. His brother is a little older than him but still younger than me. And he tells me that his mom is really excited about meeting me.We met this week and he said once again that I was wasting my time with him because he can't give me all the love and care that he thinks I deserve from a guy. I know that I am almost the first girl he genuinely likes and he hasn't really invited any girl home before me. He's gone out with girls before because they really liked him and he felt like he owed them something or if it was just a challenge to him or just for the story behind it or something. I asked him why he's invited me for christmas and he says that it's because he thought it would be "cool". I tried telling him that it would be awkward for me and maybe we should just call it off. But he's insistent. And he wants me to stay from the 24th all way til the 26th.He also keeps asking me if I have other prospects, other guys I could be seeing. When I got back from my vacation this week he asked if there were any other guys I kept in touch with the way I did with him. The answer, of course, is No, I don't and there weren't.I am really not sure what to think of it. Does it mean something, does it not? Am I just overthinking this? I'm not sure I really want to meet a guy's parents without us even really being in a relationship. We're just sort of hanging out together once in a while because we do really like each other. But I would want something like meeting the family to always be a milestone in my relationships. Seriously, am I thinking about this too much? Should I just assume that it doesn't really mean anything and just go for the fun of it or something?Help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
I just thought I'd give an update on the situation:
I did go for Christmas. He was very, very, very sweet and nice to me over those two days. His family absolutely loved me. Obviously, the implications of meeting them weren't part of his plan. I think it was seen as a serious sort of relationship by them all. We slept together for the first time on the 24th and on the 25th at night he told me he couldn't do this anymore "This, wherever it's going, I can't do it". We're not seeing each other anymore. I don't think we ever will. It's too bad because I had started falling for him. It's tough, but I will get over it. 2010 is going to be a boy-less year hopefully.
A very happy new year to you! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): Oh, I don't know I thought the GMAT was for med students, but I guess it is for all master's programs?
I think that is the best approach, women tend to think that events in a dating timeline mean something to men, but they don't, they are just time spent, now if he wasn't doing those things it would mean something...like he didn't like you, but it does not mean he sees you as the ONE, not today anyway.
Have a good Holiday.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, he's not a med student. He's an aspiring writer. And a good one too. I've read some of his short stories. He's also had some published. In one of his recent ones, the principal character is based on me and she's described in the story as a girl whom everyone falls in love with and that's what he's said to me often too. Anyway, I guess you're right about it not meaning anything and I think I am just going to go with no expectations and just for fun and togetherness. :)
Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2009): I don't think that meeting his family is a milestone really on the road to his making a committment. It is still just him spending time with you doing the things he likes to do, in short he wants to date you.
Guys usually say what they mean and he seems to be saying he wants to keep his options open and he doesn't want anything serious right now or even a relationship.
When he asked you if you were talking to or seeing anyone else, you should have said of course! We aren't exclusive are we? And now what you need to do is make that statement your reality. Stop putting all of your energy and effort into this on again off again thing. It isn't a very good sign that you have ended things so often so early on in getting to know each other.
If this guy plans to go to medical school, he isn't going to be wanting to get serious with any one for quite some time, he has too much education to get and will have very little time. Often people in the medical field date others they meet at the hospital (nurses, doctors, med students) because it becomes their second home.
I think if you want to go with him at Christmas and you don't have anything else to do, then fine, go and don't expect anything to come out of meeting his family other than you are his friend and you are there to celebrate Christmas.
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