A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have had really low self esteem and have been quite insecure pretty much my entire life. As far as anyone else is concerned I have everything anyone could want - great marriage to a great handsome man (for 11 years), a successful career, close friends, you name it. Problem is that about a year ago I met a man who I lust for terribly and I haven't been able to stop myself from thinking about him every minute of every day. Why am I having these feelings? Why do I care what this guy thinks about me? Is this all brought on by my self-esteem issues or something else? Do I really so desperately seek male approval that I would be willing to jeopardize my marriage, my life for this attraction? I don't want to cheat on my husband, I really do not. I also do not see ever having a serious relationship with this other guy but I am so incredibly physically attracted to him. It's the first time I've felt like this since I met my husband almost 14 years ago. Every time I see him, talk to him, email him, it brings out this surge of desire. I have a strong feeling that the attraction is mutual but I am not sure to such a serious degree as on my side. How do I make it stop? I am so distraught over this - it's driving me nuts. Has anyone been through this before?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2011): How about this for a change: stop seeing him, emailing him and talking to him. Then maybe in time you'll stop thinking about him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2011): "Why do I care what this guy thinks about me?"Because you don't think much of yourself. Your low self esteem can make this get out of control very quickly."Is this all brought on by my self-esteem issues or something else?"Self esteem issues bring this on more than anything else. If you were sexually or emotionally or physically abused or neglected as a child it can build up a lot of triggers as well."Do I really so desperately seek male approval that I would be willing to jeopardize my marriage, my life for this attraction?"Yes, that is what is happening."Has anyone been through this before? "Lots of people. Get a couple of books to read, you will find them very helpful. Even though you haven't had a physical affair yet, you will if you don't get a grip.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2011): I have always said that people who are extremely insecure are more likely to cheat than someone who is not. There is nothing any guy can do to assist you with resolving your self esteem and insecurity issues--that is a battle you must fight with pray and help. Having sex, seeking attention from other guys is only temporary. Believe it or not, you have already cheated in your mind and heart simply because, you have lust for someone other guy who isn't your husband. So the "pre-cheating" process has already begun...you just haven't acted it out on the physical plane just yet, but sure enough whatever the mind can believe and conceive, the body will achieve. Please get help.
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A
male
reader, cute guy  +, writes (20 May 2011):
 This lusting is completely normal. I can tell you from experience if you pursue this lust you will only be let down in the end. Sex will be amazing and then when this guy doesn't live up to the hype that you've created in you mind, he will lose interest or you will. It always is amazing the first year of any relationship. I know. I once had an affair on my wife and spent a year in therapy and trying to desperately rebuild my marriage after I pursued a hot as hell girl. This will most certainly backfire on you if you go for him. Trust me....even the couples who seem to have it all never do and after being married for 11 years what your feeling is very normal. But this is a crucial time in your life where it is appropriate to seek help from a counselor or professional. It does work! and no your friends will not be the ones you want to turn to for this. You need an unbiased third party to help you with what youre feeling.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2011): Listen, when you get married, that doesn't mean you never fancy another guy again, most people get tempted, it's what you do about it that matters. What you are feeling is lust pure unadulterated lust, and as exciting as it can feel, don't throw away your marriage for a quick shag.
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