A
female
age
36-40,
*ausha
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now, the first year of our relationship was rocky to say the least as he had something traumatic occur in his life that consequently made him unable to be close to anyone and he kind of just blocked me out. Anyway things got better we've been actually together for almost a year and we're actually living together. Although the move in was not really planned for and kind of gradually happened things were fine at first. We had a great sexual relationship and after time he came to fall in love with me which was long awaited for as I have felt those feelings growing since the first time we ever kissed. Over time now though we started to fight alot, like a married couple it seems about watching sports 24/7 and not helping around the house. We recently almost broke up and he said he no longer knows if he's inlove with me anymore (which I know means he's not, you definitely would know). I told him that the menial fighting would stop if I could let go of the resentment I feel because he longer shows appreciation for me and most of all he's not affectionate anymore and I feel like our love is now just one-sided. I've found myself feeling rejected and going to start the laundry or make his lunch or dinner or doing the dishes just to keep busy but I believe that subconsciously there's a part of me that is also doing it to hear his thanks and gain his affection in another way. When that doesn't work and I get the same monotonous "thank you" the resentment builds or comes out in another stupid fight. It seemed to be a viscious circle where the fighting antagonized him expressing his feelings which consequently brought on more meanial fighting as I am hurting inside. We in a sense agreed to start over and I feel like no matter what I do, he's always got something better to do. He doesn't go out rarely ever but when i go to kiss him it's like "I'm busy" either watching the game, or reading the paper, or watching a show or on the computer. It just seems like he's not interested anymore he's always preoccupied with something else, it's only when it's convenient for him. Our sex life has gone to shit in my eyes, which pathetically enough is something I always thought I could count on for the intimacy and closeness. He never instigates sex anymore unless he's drinking and it's making me feel unattractive and inadequate. I thought that's one thing that a guy couldn't lose, although I this has made me even more self-conscious than I already am I can still say that I am an attractive girl and have no problem attracting guys, so why I has the only one I want lost interest? I love him more than anything in this world and don't wanna let him go. Is it hopeless? He says he loves me but is it possible for him to fall inlove again? Was it just the fighting that screwed it up and it can be fixed or was it a one shot deal that we screwed up and is doomed to repeat itself? Have I lost him completely?.........Heartbroken and helpless
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female
reader, Sausha +, writes (4 December 2008):
Sausha is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn response to your suggestion, I've actually thought about that on numerous occasions but being a student in University, money is not a luxury, the night after our big fight I actually made the first move and cooked us a lovely dinner and set up some candles and such and we had a nice dinner together (as opposed to the usual dinner in front of the TV) but that effect was short lived, I'd love to go somewhere and do something special but with little money and being so close to Christmas I am out of ideas. Any suggestions?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): It sounds like your life is centered around him, doing things for him, trying to win his love and appreciation. My first suggestion would be to stop doing his laundry, cooking for him, cleaning up after him etc. He's a grown man and can do these things for himself, especially considering he's not appreciative of your efforts. Next I would develop some outside interests that don't involve him. Women have a tendency to revolve their lives around the man's, but I think most men really don't like this. It puts a lot of pressure on a guy when he thinks his girlfriend's happiness is entirely in his hands. Plus, the more well rounded a person is, the more interesting and attractive he/she becomes. I think if you do these things, you may find he has a different attitude toward you. But even if he doesn't, you're going to be getting out and meeting other people, and will find someone more in tune with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): you need to take sometime aside to talk to each other you obviously dont want to loose him. it may be a good idea to take a romantic break or go somewhere special. I hope i helped with this if not im sorry.
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