A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I have been dating this girl for like 2 years now. We were totally best friends before we came out and were each other's first real kiss. So far in our relationship we have kept it to the minor stuff, like snogging after school, cuddling while watching a movie at the cinema, ect... So we are both graduating this year she has suggested that as a graduation present to each other, we have our first sex together. I am kinda worried as I have never been with anyone, and still have my barrier intact. I also love her and want to be with her forever and am wondering if it would be weird to ask her to marry me first. So basically I have some virginity questions, is loosing your virginity to another girl any different than loosing it to a guy? If so how? And are there any rules for asking another girl to marry you? Like I kinda know how it's supposed to work for bf/gf couples, but are there any norms for gf couples? Also is it silly to want to wait until I am married to have sex, especially since neither of us is particularly religious?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): Do you intend to get penetrated with a strap on just like if she was a male using his penis? Or will it be more oral sex and fingering?
Like already said, it has to be a penis to loose your actual virginity. However a girls barrier (hymen) can be lost natural from sport etc. or with a dildo etc. and they are still virgins.
So if you have your hymen broken by a strap on attached to a girl its good enough to say she had taken your virginity - although this would be technically incorrect for the reasons explained above but it doesn't matter.
I think its too soon for you to propose. My understanding is the sex after marriage is only applicable for mixed sex couples... for vaginal sexual intercourse (i.e. with a penis). Oral sex etc. isn't falling under the sex after marriage although couples may choose to wait while others may choose to do oral and masturbate each other to show love without the sex. Some women might choose to wait but its mostly a respect thing - in the same way you dont have to be religious to wait until after marriage.
Also, engagement before first time sex isn't sex after marriage. Sex after marriage as it suggests is sex on your wedding night or after. So you couldn't lose virginity in the morning before wedding either.
Marriage is a formality. It is more common for people to wait for their special someone. If she is the one then I say go for it. Hope this helps.
A
male
reader, Itsjustflirting  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 Technically to lose your virginity, you need to have a penis inserted into your vagina. Although truthfully it is no more than a lable. In my opinion, you can also lose your virginity with a girl the first time you have sex, even though it isn't the same exactly as with a guy, it is still your first time completing the act of having sex, although I'm not really sure exactly what the exact act would be. I think in this case, it is more a state of mind.
As far as waiting until marriage, I personally think that is a horrible idea brought on by religious beliefs to stop people from enjoying life, like most religious rules. You need to experience life. You really don't want to end up with someone horrible in bed. Especially being with another girl, you need to make sure it's for you. I mean you could try it and be like woah, this isn't for me. You are way to young to be thinking about marriage. You will change feelings about things as time goes on. As you get older, you will look back on things you do today. Better to have great memories than regrets.
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