A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for two years now. In the beginning, we were madly in love and everything was perfect. We talked about marriage, having kids, our entire future. Now since it has been two years now, I have moved to a new city with him into our own apartment... Now he hesitates on discussing marriage and having kids. We have gotten into several fights about it when I ask him if he still wants to get married and he doesn't give me a yes or no answer. A few months ago, we were out with some friends and my friend pulled me aside and couldn't resist the news that he had just broken to her. He told her that he bought an engagement ring and was planning on proposing during a weekend trip we werw going away. My friend completely spoiled it and my boyfriend knew about it. Since then he has acted like it never happened and it confuses me so much. It really bothers me and now we get into really dumb fights a lot. For example, I wear clip-in-hair-extensions, he doesn't like them because he likes short hair. I tell him that I like them and they make me happy. He continues to make fun of me for wearing them and I have had it! We get into petty arguments which make me feel horrible and honestly question our relationship.He is in his early 30's and everyone around us is getting married and having kids and I feel so pressured to take this next step. My friends think that he is just acting this way because he is looking for the right moment to propose, but for me, the more time goes by I become more impatient. What should I do? I really love him and do want to marry him so I will do what it takes! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2013): "everyone around us is getting married and having kids and I feel so pressured to take this next step. " getting married is a huge step - do it because its what you both want, not because you feel pressure to keep up with your friends!
Maybe your BF feels that you want him to propose for the wrong reason. If a man is going to propose he wants to feel his partner really wants to marry HIM not get married to be in with everyone else.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2013): Chill out! The poor guy wanted to propose and then some blabber mouth ruins the surprise, can you blame him for wanting to wait?
Some people want grand proposals and a big fat diamond to match but what should matter is that you both love each other and want to be together. If you're that desperate then you propose to him.
Otherwise just enjoy life together as it is and let him build his confidence back up. Arguing over petty things isn't going to make him want to propose soon either so try and hold back or just stay calmer over disagreements.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (2 April 2013):
 What should you do? Sorry to say this but stop acting like a spoilt princess and just be patient! He has bought the ring for god's sake, what more do you want?! His big moment was ruined, he will now be trying to re-do all his plans and make sure it remains a secret - so give him time, stop being selfish and wait.
It will have taken a lot for him to go out and buy the ring, make the plans....all for it to be ruined by a big-mouthed friend. His confidence will have taken a knock so it may well have made him want to wait a little longer so you and your friends have forgotten about it so it will be a proper surprise.
Women make such a huge mistake when it comes to marriage and engagements - the wedding and the proposal become bigger than the marriage itself. At the end of the day the whole point of him proposing isnt so you can get 'married' just so you are like your friends, the point is that you love each other so much you want to spend the rest of your lives together.
That should be the reason behind it, not just because you want to get married. The wedding, the proposal, the ring....all of that is irrelevant, what matters is the two of you being happy together forever. So if the proposal doesnt come for another 6 months, that shouldnt matter to you because you are still together and you still love each other.
Let him take his time with the proposal, he obviously wants to marry you otherwise he wouldnt have bought a ring. So chill out, put the proposal to the back of your mind and focus on being happy together. Stop the silly fights and if you find yourself arguing, make a point of agreeing to disagree and move on. Be an adult, learn to be forgiving of silly arguments and learn to be patient.
You are going to be together forever anyway, so whether the proposal is in 5 weeks or 5 months it shouldnt make a difference to you. He has had a big confidence knock because of your friend and he will want you to forget about it so when he does propose it will be a complete surprise - so try your best to forget about it and let it happen naturally.
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