A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have been going through a really difficult time with my husband and have tried everything to sort it out and have come to the conclusion that there is no point on trying anymore.the dilema is neither of us can afford to move out does anyone think you can live together for the kids it would break there hearts for us to separate but we have nothing left he wants to live the life of a single man and to come and go as he pleases and for me to be ok with that he says that its ok to do that he has started taking cocaine when he goes out and i know thats why we argue all the time he has changed so much from when he started taaking that . Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): Staying together for the sake of the kids is the worst thing you could do. My parents did that, and for years all we saw were arguments and 2 very miserable people. I would have much prefered them seperating years before and having 2 much happier parents.
How do you know it would break their hearts? kids aren't daft they pick up on friction - you might find that they are actually wishing you were already apart!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): You need to seek legal advice regarding getting him out of the house. You need him out because of the drugs if nothing else. What if the kids start experimenting with his stash?
Staying together for the sake of the kids isn't a good idea. I stayed together for the sake of the kids and they told me in later years that I didn't do them any favours at the time. Too much aggravation and arguments going on around them is unsettling to say the least.
Upon divorce I think the chances are that any court would order him to continue paying the mortgage and supporting his children, and possibly you as well, financially.
I'd definitely say get him out 'for the sake of the kids'.
Phil
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): Hey what you have described is my life right now. I have just discovered after 7 years that my partner has been cheating for the last 3 years with 3 different girls. I am heart broken, but i still love him. We are pretty much at the point where we have decided that it will never work, but the problem is we have a joint mortage on our house and have a 3 year old daughter. I have also just discovered that he is taking ecstasy on weekends (supposably to help him deal with the guilt and stress of lying for so long) and i think this is part of the reason he is cheating and having so many problems. The drugs have changed him so much. Neither of us earn enough to be able to pay for our house alone and we don't want to sell as we will lose so much if we do including a home for our daughter. He wants us to live together in the house but he can come and go when ever he wants and date other women!! I don't really see how it will work?? I still love him and still want to be with him. We have already ended up in bed 3 times in the last month. I don't see how either of us can truely move on but i don't want to let go either. I hate that we fight in front of our daughter and everytime he comes home i hope that he will come to my bed even though i hate him for what he has done. As long as he lives in my house i still have hope we will get back together, which means i will not allow myself to try and get over him and start looking for love from a man who will truely love me and respect me. Im sorry i haven't helped much but i just wanted you to know that your not the only one going through this. I hope you find a happy solution.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (28 September 2007):
 Hi. Sorry to hear of your troubles. It's not easy I know, I've been in your situation from the man's point of view. I could give you a whole load of advice, but much of it might not be relevant. So could you provide a little more information please. Mail it through this site if you don't want it on the public site. Can you say more about house (in whose names) , mortgage (in whose names), age of children, whose children are they. How long have you been together/how long arguing/have you agreed to split/does either of you still want to try and make the relationship work? Also what is the origin of the break-up - is it the coke or were there problems before this.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (28 September 2007):
 If he's doing drugs, he should not be around the kids, let alone living with them. If it was me, he's be removed from the home, place to go or not. Under your circumstances, it's not OK to live together just for the kids. They are learning and developing their behaviors every time you argue. Children also learn how to have a relationship from their parents. Do you want them to learn to expect disconnect in their relationships. It's not fair to them and staying together just for them, with fighting and drugs will end up causing the children a lot more harm than it's going to be good.
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A
female
reader, drastic knowledge +, writes (28 September 2007):
 i think it would be better if he just wass out of your picture but he can still be there father but not living in the same house plus he needs to get hes act together
coke isnt something to be taken likly and you should seek him help but also kick him out for you and your kids well being
good luck and move on with out him in your home you deserve a normal life and if he wants to be in it for the kids he needs to earn it
best of luck
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