A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,Next month I am turning 30. Every birthday usually leads to some analysis and evaluation but this one at the end decade is feeling like an assessment of whole life.Right now I have MBA degree from one of the best schools around, a good job at a National Institute, handsome pay cheque and trying to continue studies while at job though lacking in marriage or dating plans, out of own choice. At times it feels like I haven't done anything yet in my life or been lagged behind from the rest. However, the interaction with few fellows and colleagues gives an impression that most of them are more or less in the same boat. As the birthday is approaching getting confused as what to feel like as there is no specific yardstick to measure the progress in real life. However, just want all to figure this out for me and additionally what advice would you give to your 30 year young on his/her birthday, off course from those of you who have been there and done that (celebrated 30th birthday) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (6 October 2017):
 There isn't an age by which marriage and a family should be achieved. I just think that you've done everything right as far as making sure that you're financially secure and independent so what more could you ask for at that age?
You don't need marriage and such right now because that's for when you're ready. You don't seem ready to me which is ok. I mean, you're pretty much building an empire and trust me, any respecting wife you could ever have in the future will truly appreciate the time that you took to build yourself up and be able provide a stable household.
Also, don't be hard on yourself when it comes to love because we often find true love when we really aren't looking and most times the best relationships are the ones that we never saw coming our way.
30 is life! I'm not there yet but I know that I'll probably still be slaying at 30 (to be honest haha).
Besides, you're not missing out on anything yet, maybe when you reach 60 and you still haven't found anyone or anything worth while, then, we can start to worry for you but for the time being; just learn to enjoy where you are and guaranteed the right person will soon follow.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (5 October 2017):
You make it sound the 30 years is nothing....You do realize that you had 30 years to die right?? 30 years for some incident to leave you in a wheelchair. 30 years for you to develop some major sickness...cancer, or something else.
Yet you act like...been there done that. The fact that you made it this far in life...is a blessing. Yet you say...life is passing me by. Wrong!
Life gave you 30 years to do something besides feeling sorry for yourself. It is waiting to you to catch up. What are doing with your 30 years? Are you out looking for the love of your life? Are getting a home ready for when you get married? Are saving for said marriage? Honeymoon?
Life is not passing you by...It has given you everything you need to get started...but not bitching and complaining.
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (5 October 2017):
If you want to be happy, just stop comparing yourself with other's successes and progress. Get out of facebook, start living your life according to you own measures of success.There is no universal rule as what is defined as good success or progress in life, and whatever the people around you tell you you should be doing, just ignore them.It's your life, live it as you want. If you don't want to "progress", go ahead, say where you are, there is no problem with that. Like you have already noticed, there are many people in the same boat as you.A good measure of success would be: are you happier now than you were the previous years? Have you improved mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc more with respect previous years? If your answer is yes, then you are on the right track.If your answer is NO, then ask yourself: are you taking the steps to improve those areas you are not growing? If your answer is YES, then you are on the right track for ever increasing personal growth.It's better to grow SOMETHING, than in giant steps as people in movies and fiction grow. A more realistic way of making progress and moving ahead, is doing baby steps, one at the time, until you reach your goals. 30s is the new BLACK!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2017): First, it's pointless to be hard on yourself. If you've got a good job, and you've educated yourself; you're pretty much on track.
Thirty is not over-the-hill; but media and advertising has lead us all to believe that we're not successful unless we accomplish everything by the time we're 30. We don't all succeed at the same pace; and our destiny isn't always aligned with the next guy. If you're smart, you'll always be a work in-progress. The key-word is "progress." Things done sequentially, or over time.
Then comes your love-life and seeking meaning to your existence.
Love doesn't show-up on cue. It too, is a process requiring you to pursue it in stages; based on your ability/capacity to relate and connect with people emotionally. The mistake is rushing into relationships; before we know what we're doing. It's better to take your time, feel your way around; and allow nature and natural-chemistry to take place. In spite of the pressures placed upon us as males to be successful, perfect, and competitive. Or, to hurry-up and get married; because her biological-clock is ticking! Never-mind whether you're even the right-guy! You're successful, that makes you a good-catch, we'll figure-out the rest later. Oh yeah?!! Maybe not!!!
Unlike seeking a job, finding a good match can't be intellectualized or strategized like a game-plan. You don't always succeed on the first try; and sometimes you may make a series of failed-attempts. The point is to keep trying and not let the proverbial "time-factor" force you to fast-forward into stupidity! Young people tend to let frustration and peer-pressure get to them; because love doesn't happen right-away. Even more frustrating, is when it's good; but it may not last. That damned "sense of entitlement" we have in our twenties!
Well, hopefully you've hit that milestone where you realize "it's better late than never." If you haven't, you will. That's what the wisdom of experience and maturity will teach us. First, enjoy life and your freedom. To get that reckless energy out of your system. There will be a time to man-up and be serious.
Go out, and be visible. Fly solo! Go to live-concerts under the stars, involve yourself in charity-events; and be active in creating change to improve the quality of life. You'll meet smart independent-women. If you're looking for romance; join travel-clubs, or become a member of an adventure-group. It broadens your experience; so you'll base your opinions and attitudes on exposure to the world. Outside your job! Utilize these options also as a vehicle to learning more about people in general. Not just obsessing over your pursuits to find a mate.
Finding love or romance usually happens incidentally, or accidentally. Too much effort, or going on mission to find a woman to have a relationship; will often result in frustration. That, or making a very bad choice. Relationships happen. They shouldn't be rushed or forced.
Stop looking at the calendar and just gaze into the horizon. It is infinite, and it lets you know life is boundless; and your limitations are basically in your mind, or regulated by your abilities. Date for fun and recreational-purposes.
Don't look at approaching 30 as if you're one foot in the grave! You're almost boasting about your accomplishments; then contradicting yourself like you've been some kind of slacker. Dude, please!
You can't sit and wait for life or women to drop in your lap. They're not lined-up at your door knocking to get in; but they're out there waiting for you to make an appearance. You'll have to weed through females craving to walk down the isle; or just another good salary to upgrade their lifestyles. Learn from them, just don't let them manipulate you into thinking you're childish, or selfish. They'll rush you into believing you are missing-out on life; because she's not in it. You've got to be man enough to face rejection, criticism, and sexism.
My boyfriend officially became a self-made millionaire at the age of 35. He started a business, and he stuck to it through failures and disappointment. He didn't go to college; he attended a trade school and worked in various fields of contracting and building. Now he has a growing successful business; and can buy whatever he wants, and go wherever he likes.
I've struggled and competed on my job, and made my way up; but didn't see what I considered my goal financially, until I was about 35 or 36. I was fortunate enough to have met someone at 17, who remained my partner for 28 years. He died from cancer. He was a successful lawyer. We can remember eating Ramen noodles and peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches in our first little apartment. I'm much more mature and secure now. Love found me again. I have a new partner.
Look at life as if you're going after what you want with a sense of deliberation. Methodically and patiently. Not as if you have to have it all at once. You'll be happier, and you'll make better choices.
As men, one of our natural-traits is our sense of logic. We aren't simply guided by emotions. That is also one of our downfalls as well. If we apply our logic when it comes to decision-making, and our emotions when we are maintaining our relationships; we come out balanced. That takes experience and effort. It isn't achieved over-night. It's accomplished through trial and error. You have to get out there and try something. Not sit-back kicking yourself; because you don't have it all by 30! Most of the people I know who got everything right-away didn't appreciate it. They lost it quicker than they got it. You have to be prepared to handle your success, before you get it! So many squander fortunes; because they want it all now!
Modern-medicine gives you approximately another 50 years of life. Live it with vigor and common-sense. Women are not an endangered-species. They'll always be there! So get your head right; and don't look at turning 30 like you're becoming a senior-citizen before you've accomplished anything.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (4 October 2017):
 If you feel like you don't do anything, then why don't you?
What reason do you not have for doing things? I'm 26 years old and I'll admit I am scraping by financially at the moment, I have quite a low paying job right now because I'm still training to fully qualify but it will be very handsome when I'm trained. In the mean time I try to fill my time with as many activities as possible.
I'm really into DJs and music festivals so any money I can spare because I love spending my time there making memories with my friends. I have recently started talking to a girl which is looking promising also and I try to spend as much time with her as possible too. By doing things I enjoy it builds my mood up, so why aren't you doing the same? what do you enjoy?
I went on holiday earlier this year to Ibiza. I randomly met a 32 year old German man who told me what he was doing there. He said he travels alone on holiday every year for a week to meet new people. I thought that was fantastic. That takes some real balls to do something like that and I bet he has the time of his life doing so.
Life only passes you by if you let it. I'm trying to build as many memories and experiences as possible before I'm too old to do all of that stuff anymore. I don't want any regrets in life when I look back thinking I wish I had done more.
If you want your love life to materialise then start looking. You're not gonna find anyone with your head buried in the sand man, you need to be pro active. Get up and do things and live life and you won't be having these pity sessions anymore.
Do what makes you happy man, time is precious, you need to make the most of it.
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